Watched TV for a long time last night and felt like Tiku Talsania in that old TV show where he used to keep saying ‘yeh kya ho raha hai?’ Because there was surreal stuff happening on every news channel.
First off was Sanjay Dutt claiming that it was the Congress bringing Sanjay Nirupam into the party that finished his father off. Dad couldn’t handle the trauma, he said, it broke him. Which is pretty weird, because hello, trauma must’ve been totally roz-ka-hai to Dutt Sr, what with his only son constantly giving him grief with his drug taking, numerous divorces, dalliances with the underworld and private stash of AK-47s. Hey, maybe it was the accumulative stress of all that trauma that broke him! Ever think of that, huh, Sanjay?
Then there were all these sports channels that kept telling me that a tournament to be held in South Africa, with a bunch of South Africans in the audience, was an important domestic Indian Sports event. They urged me, as a Rajasthani, to rally around a team owned by Shilpa Shetty, whose home stadium is in Cape Town, or Johannesberg or Bloemfonten — nobody is quite sure which, yet. It’s a bit like those Yash Chopra films which are shot in Switzerland but are supposedly set in the picturesque little Indian hill town of Palumpur or Kasauli. Totally synthetic, totally fake.
The same sports news channels also informed me that it is perfectly alright for one cricket team to have four captains — and that Shah Rukh Khan, whom all of us know to be a die-hard Pepsi drinker, will now be refreshing his team with Sprite. Yeh kya ho raha hai?
Then I noticed that three big national political leaders — Amar Singh, Narendra Modi and Lalu Prasad Yadav — seem to have all taken Indian Idol judge Anu Malik as their role model. (They keep reciting execrable verse, say their own names many times over, and don’t let anyone else speak.)
I saw Jagdish Tytler being given a clean chit by the CBI for the riots in ‘84, even as Akshay Kumar was booked for obscenity! Not for putting us through puerile movies like CC2C and Singh is Kinng like you would naturally assume, but for letting his legally wedded wife undo one button of his jeans on the ramp. This, in a country where a billion people routinely unbutton all their buttons and urinate in public places on a daily basis!
Yeh kya ho raha hai?
The only thing that made perfect sense to me on TV last night was Maneka Gandhi springing to the defence of her son Varun Feroze. After all, she has always been known for her love and zealous protection of Animals!
Anuja Chauhan is proud to say that she works in advertising! She is also the author of the best selling The Zoya Factor. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org