Dearest good looking monkey taking selfies, I must congratulate you on your success. Your yellow teeth have caught the attention of many a male monkey I know. I really liked the angle; very flattering indeed. You must try pouting next time! Take tips from Delhi girls who are famous for their pouty selfies.
I pity the man who is fighting to take credit for the selfies you clicked. The pictures have your pawmark all over them! And to think nowadays every photographer with a DSLR in their hands thinks he is a monkey.
I think you must come visit our country. Life in a National Park in Indonesia is nothing compared to what we monkeys enjoy, especially in Delhi. People here don’t treat us like monkeys. They think we are the living representatives of one of their favourite Hindu Gods, Hanuman. And the best part? Their tradition calls for feeding monkeys on Tuesdays and Saturdays. And the rest of the days, you can see us ganging up and taking what we like best, preferably bananas. You might come across some men dressed up as a monkey. Ignore. They are only monkeying around. Those fake looking simians might screech all they like, but they are never going to be langur enough to scare us monkeys.
From Connaught Place to Hauz Khas Village, inside autos to the top of bus roofs, we will click selfies, Dilli ishtyle! I once caught a ride on a motorcycle, but pillion riding without helmets isn’t a very safe thing to do in Delhi. Talking about safety, it is advisable for you to roam around fully clothed. You have the pick of clothing from any of the numerous balconies. I do hope you pay us a visit soon. I have a lot of gibberish to share with you.
The best looking monkey bum on display.
For the uninitiated
A phone-happy monkey clicked selfies in Indonesia using wildlife photographer David Slater’s camera who is now locked in a dispute with Wikimedia Commons over copyright issues. A Delhi ­monkey who read about the news sitting behind an ­unsuspecting Hanuman bhakt decided to write an open letter to the monkey.
Illustration: Aditya Dogra