Best revenge is to ignore: Funnyman Cyrus Broacha' love advice

  • HT Correspondent, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Jul 14, 2015 12:51 IST

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

*I was in a relationship for 20 months. She cheated on me and we broke up. It took me six months to come out of it. A year later, a girl in my office proposed to me. After a month, she said that she loves me but can’t live with me because of something that I had said to her. I apologised a 100 times, but she didn’t forgive me. I miss her a lot. What do I do? VP

VP, Wasn’t it Jim Morrison who said “I’ve always been a words man better than a birds man?” And this was well before his allergy to chicken was even discovered. Since I see you are putting your hand up, I can tell you haven’t followed my point. Well I didn’t either. Luckily I’ve written it down, before we both go and blame it on Jim Morrison. VP my good friend who I’ve never met, your whole situation hangs on one thing, and one thing alone. What exactly did you say to her? Did you call her a weewee? Did you say she reminded you of her mother? Looks fat in that dress? Can see all three chins? Did you compare her to a blue whale? To undo what you have done is obviously going to take more than an apology. Think big, put together a few of her favourite things,like her favourite movie, music, food and, even better, get her to meet her favourite personality. You need a big gesture to get over your big insult. Remember what Michael Jordan says, “Size always matters”. And next time watch who you call a whale!

*I’m 20, a bit shy and introvert. I want to fall in love with someone. But, more than love, I need a physical relationship. Should I get into a physical relationship with someone I trust? If yes, how? If no, why? -Khushboo

Khushboo, just an innocent question? Just a thought I want to throw out there? Just an old penny for your thought? Er….who told you that you need to have a physical relationship? And here’s the big one, who the hell told you that I should decide whether you need a physical relationship? You are suffering from what the ancient Phoenicians called “Attabooh”! This means you are in love with the concept of love. It’s the same thing as saying that because you love fur, you wear fur coats in the summer? So, be kind to animals and say no to fur. That’s really the answer. Oh yes, and the fact that you need to fall in love or at least lust, before you enter a relationship, physical or otherwise. Why? Because this whole system only works when the other party is both alive and agreeable. Really, you ask too many questions.

*After my breakup two months back, I have started liking one of my friends. I even proposed to her, but she’s worried of the implications; my ex is her friend. Recently, I asked her out. She came with my ex-girlfriend and gave me a long speech. And in front of my ex, she rejected my proposal. Now, I want to take revenge. What should I do? Ace

My one word answer to your long exasperating question is, don’t. Okay that’s too little an answer, I’m changing it to please don’t! The woman brought your ex girlfriend along and then pushed your head into it. The word humiliation springs to mind. Followed by its brother, shame. Their sister, anguish. Their first cousin, (from the fathers side), torture. So, please spare their distant cousins, self-respect, and dignity, (I think dignity is the older one), and stop interacting with her. The best revenge is to ignore. It’s how elected leaders take revenge on their electorates, in a democracy! Kindly do the same.

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