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HindustanTimes Wed,24 Sep 2014

How to end a relationship in 10 days

Sanya Panwar, Hindustan Times  New Delhi, May 14, 2014
First Published: 16:25 IST(14/5/2014) | Last Updated: 16:59 IST(14/5/2014)

If you want to break-up with someone, the easiest (and the safest) way, is to tell him or her, straight up.
 
If, however, you want to lose him/her in a matter of days, without going through the break-up talk, or you worry about being seen as a failure for ending things, or worse, you fear your partner will not accept your decision or beg you to take him/her back, take a breather.
 
Here are some sure-shot, wacky (and not-so-wacky) ways to break up with him/her, without hurting his/her feelings. Well almost, because, with these tips, you can actually get him/her to break up with you! Just what you wanted, isn't it?

First, here's how you end a passing romance:

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1. Freak him/her out on social media
Assault all his/her social media accounts - Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Google+. Just know your goal - you have to prove your serious stalker tendencies.

Here's how - start liking every post; comment on these posts with a plethora of emoticons; comments should be on these lines: 'OMG I love this <3'.
Also, start randomly adding a bunch of his/her friends to your social media accounts. This is important. Better still create a YouTube video of your photos together with a One Direction song in the background.

Now, start sharing this video and tag his/her friends.

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2. Invade his/her laptop/ phone/ iPod
Grab his/her beloved gadget and delete all his/her favourite songs, playlists and photos. Then, add a bunch of tracks you know he/she'd find annoying. Create playlists with titles like 'Our songs', 'Songs that remind me of you'. Name the album, 'We were meant to be together <3'!

He/she will get furious!

3. Don't carve out time for him/her, make plans with others
In a working relationship, people take out time for each other, because they like each other and enjoy spending time together. But your situation is different. So, always stay busy - work late, run lots of errands, hang out with co-workers, friends and family.

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4. Start a blog about your relationship and give all details
Start blogging every little thing about your relationship. Take it a step further and use his/her real name. Write insane lovey-dovey poems, notes. Mail the url to all your friends and his. You have to live the blog. So, stay glued to your phone, tablet, laptop when with him/her and keep the live updates going.

5. Flirt with others
This is something any man/woman will absolutely despise, for obvious reasons. This could escalate and cause some pretty heated exchange, so be careful. The trick is to flirt subtly, so you can deny it when he/she brings it up and say you were 'just being friendly'.


Now, that's how you put the lid on a more serious romance:

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1. Avoid phone calls, texting, Whatsapping
Make getting in touch with you hard. Communication is the lifeline of any relationship and cutting if off will send a message that you're not trying to make time for him/her. Have excuses ready - "Oh, I couldn't find my phone," or "was hanging out with a friend". The more vague you are, the better.

2. Say nothing
When you do talk to him/her, have nothing to say. Let him/her steer the conversation. When out with friends or in group, talk to everyone else, but him or talk to everyone else, before you turn to him/her. This is one not-so-subtle sign that'll have them wondering if they're the right fit for you.

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3. Don't say 'I love you', 'I miss you'
Stop showing them that you value or appreciate them in any meaningful way. Who doesn't want to be acknowledged? So, say bye to the 'thanks' and 'pleases' too.

4. Bye-bye physical affection, hello dirty
If you've been affectionate in the past, starve him/her off it. Quick hugs, pats on the back and ruffling up the hair is all you're allowed. This will make them question why you're in the relationship. Instead, if you don't mind being thought of as smelly or unhygienic, don't shower, shave or wax when you're around him/her. Even better, put on weight! You won't win any points in his/her book - and that's the whole point!

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5. Criticize, complain
Be vocal about the things you dislike about him/her. Tell him to get a manlier car or that you never liked the smell of his cologne. Tell her that her dress is too tight or her make-up too loud for a certain friend's house party. No one wants their choices or lifestyle questioned, so this is sure to make them see red.


If none of these work, you can still buy him/her a box of chocolates and a self-help book on being newly single.

Whatever you do, don't text him/her, "I'm sorry honey, I can't. Don't hate me." You much rather send him/her a balloon saying, "I'm breaking up with you" - keeping it pretty and brief.


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