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HindustanTimes Thu,23 Oct 2014

Pay your own bills: Cyrus

Cyrus, Hindustan Times  Mumbai, August 06, 2012
First Published: 13:58 IST(6/8/2012) | Last Updated: 19:03 IST(6/8/2012)

Cyrus answers your questions once again- of course, with a twist!

I am 17 and have been dating a girl for a month now. I want to break up with her because of some personal issues. Honestly, I feel that I have just used her. I tried to break up with her earlier but she insisted that I stick to her. She even feel sick in the bargain and is currently getting treated for depression. How do I make her understand that we need to part ways? How do I ask her to move on? — Kelvin

Kelvin, are you a fridge? Oh no that's Kelvinator.
 
Kel, don’t be as cold as a fridge. By your own account, you used her. The consequence of your exploitation is that she’s sick. So now you have to pay your own bills. Now is clearly not the time to leave her. Nurse her back to health and once she is stable, then with the help of her friends and family, gradually pull out. And in the future, don’t use people. After all some people are human beings.

I am 18 and I have loved a girl since I was in 5th standard. I like her a lot and when I asked her out on Facebook, she somehow changed the topic. I have been very upset since then. Should I try again, face to face? — AJ

So while your syllabus was changing your love did not. Admirable. Let’s learn from the great poet Ben Johnson, who wrote the most beautiful love lyric to this girl called Celia. But she spat on the poem, ate his flowers, and on three occasions, tried to run her car over him. And all this was in 1952, mind you. In today’s
parlance, changing the topic on a social network is exactly like spitting on a poem in Elizabethan times. So I think, before going forward, first go a little backward. Don’t hit the romance notes with her till you get some hint from her.

I am 24 and have been dating a girl for the last three months. She loves me a lot. But the
problem is that she wants to marry me already! And that too before the year ends. Do you think it is advisable to marry
at this young age and after such a short term relationship? Should I give our relationship more time so that I can know her better? I am very confused, please help me. —Marry Go Round

I checked ‘The Book Of Love’, written by Dr. N.D. Tiwari. This complete concise version clearly states, and I quote page 38, para 3 and 4 : “Love is never a time bound concept, it doesn’t necessarily mature like wine or evolve like the hairier primates.”

I hope this answers your question. My only fear is the fact that you writing this means you yourself are not sure. For in the words of Hassan Sadat Manto, physician: ‘Heal thyself. Don’t use time as an excuse; if you don’t want to marry her, then don’t (this of course was Manto’s only written line in English and even that came in the form of a prescription).

I am 18 and I always travel by bus to college. Once I sat next to a married lady in her 30s and started chatting. Then a few days later, she introduced me to her daughter who is 19. We hit it off instantly and after two months of seeing each other, we even started having sex. But I already have a steady girlfriend and I haven’t told her this. I think I am in love with both the girls now. I don’t want to break up with either of them. Also I have a guilty conscience about this cheating business. What do you suggest Cyrus? What should be my next move? — Charan

Charan why stop here? May be there is a sister or a cousin you’ve missed. Keep going till you complete the set. I’m not sure what to say to you. Most men would kill to be in your position. It’s possible the only worthwhile reason to travel by bus in the first place. About your guilty conscience you can't have it both ways. Either you cheat and enjoy yourself or you back off and listen to your conscience. I don’t see the legislature ratifying your move anyway soon. By the by what the hell is your bus number.


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