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HindustanTimes Wed,22 Oct 2014

Sex and the city

Hindustan Times  Mumbai, December 10, 2013
First Published: 17:09 IST(10/12/2013) | Last Updated: 17:31 IST(10/12/2013)

I am getting married in two months. My fiancé stays in Delhi and we talk on the phone. He does not want to have babies for at least two years as both of us are  24, but he wants to have sex regularly. Do I need family planning?
Keeping in touch with your future husband using technology is a good beginning. Discussing likes and dislikes builds rapport in an arranged marriage. Both of you need pre-marital sex counselling. Copper-T, although a very good contraceptive, is not offered to virgins. It is a good method to space children. Oral contraceptive pills or using condoms may be better suited for you. Select a method that suits you. It is better to start planning early rather than regret things later.


I have been going around with a friend for four months now. We tried to have sex two days ago and I used Viagra. But there was some problem. She tried a lot, but gave up eventually. She even went on to tell me that she thought I was gay. I am not, but how do I prove it? What if she spreads this false story?

Let her spread it. If you are certain the stories are false, then why bother? Letting them die a natural death is advisable. Failure is common in the initial encounters. Nervousness does get the better of many young men. Dilemmas about pre-marital sex, STD, and unwanted babies do cloud the mind. The problem gets corrected with time. I must inform you that Sildenafil is a good drug in competent hands. The medication is indicated only when there is a problem with erection and if you have no such problems, you may not need it. 

I am unmarried and used to have 10-12 packs of paan masala daily. Will this affect my sex life after marriage?
Why not resolve to give it up? It is reported that stopping the consumption can reverse some of the ill-effects of tobacco. Paan masala does contain tobacco as its active ingredient. Prolonged exposure to tobacco in any form has been linked to sexual side-effects. In men, it may result in a reduction in the number of sperms. Motility too is reduced. The normal sperm count reduces and more abnormal forms are detected in the semen. Tobacco may also make the penile blood vessels more rigid and problems with erection and ejaculation have been reported. The desire to have sex may also reduce over time. Tobacco also harms the female genital tract and reduces fertility. The dangers to the offspring too are real and cannot be ignored.

I tied the knot recently. I was in a serious relationship for years before my marriage and we were involved sexually. I took an AIDS test and it was negative four times. I have told my wife this. Can I have sex without a condom with her?
Multiple sexual partners are one of the known factors for contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. You have at least done the right thing by using a condom. It does reduce the chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases as well as unwanted pregnancy. However, the condom is not full-proof. Reports of its failure exist. Two years is pretty long period. You are HIV negative. Having sex with your legitimate partner and remaining loyal is a good way to protect each other against HIV. Enjoy your sex life without any fear.


Mail your queries to Dr Kavan Lakdawala at: HT Media Limited, Indiabulls Finance Centre, Tower 3, 9th Floor, Senapati Bapat Marg, Elphinstone Road, Mumbai-4000013; 
lakdawalakavan@gmail.com


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