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HindustanTimes Sun,26 Oct 2014

Too used to your partner to break up? Here's how

Amrutha Penumudi, Hindustan Times  Mumbai, December 03, 2012
First Published: 17:13 IST(3/12/2012) | Last Updated: 17:48 IST(8/12/2012)

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that never seems to come to an end? You may have tried to cut off things more than a million times, but all it takes is a single text message or a friendly Facebook chat to send things spiralling back yet again. Couples like these have been called boomerangers, or yo-yos. But the bottom line is, if you still a) pay for the other at restaurants b) fight over petty things c) are each other’s 4 am friends — then wake up and smell the reality; it’s time to head to splitsville.

Don’t play the friendship card
Twenty-seven-year-old Saloni Gupta, who has been on-again-off-again with her long-term boyfriend, swears that the rebound always begins with the promise of remaining friends. “Guys always come up with the ‘keep in touch’ part. And that’s when you end up texting often, meeting occasionally, until you’re finally back to square one. It’s like a habit that’s hard to kick,” she says. Damini Varma, a 25-year-old media professional, says, “I have been seeing my ex-boyfriend for close to nine years. We must have broken up about five-six times, but we always get back together after a couple of terrible weeks and then the fights start again. He’s become like an addiction — I’m miserable when I’m with him, but crave for the next fix when we're apart,” she says.

Too much of a hassle to find someone new
For Neville Isaac, a banker from Bengaluru, it’s the comfort level with his ex-girlfriend that keeps him hooked to her even now, after several months of being separated. He says, “When you date, and spend all your time, with someone, it’s hard to not want to spend time with them later, even if you know that unresolved feelings might spoil your friendship.” He adds, “And sometimes, it’s the compromises you’ve made with that person that you don’t have the patience to deal with all over again.”

Get out of it
“Most broken up couples want to get back together because they realise that they are lonely and need someone in their life. At this point, they decide that a familiar face, or an ex partner is better than looking for someone new,” says Aditi Samant, a city psychologist. “Unfortunately, most of the time, this ‘getting back’ happens over a one-night stand. Ask yourself why you want to get back with this person each time. Is it just because you really want to be with him/her, or because it is just easier to with them than someone new?”

Why are you getting back with your ex?
Do you feel lonely? Are you tired of having no one special whom you can share your life’s ups and downs with?
Are you tired of going on bad first dates and having to start all over again?
Do you feel left out because most of your friends are in
stable relationships and pine to have the same for yourself?
Or do you really think you can make things work?


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