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HindustanTimes Sat,20 Dec 2014

What men and women hate about each other?

ANI  London, June 20, 2012
First Published: 13:30 IST(20/6/2012) | Last Updated: 16:47 IST(20/6/2012)

Men and women still have a string of complaints about each other till today, a new survey has revealed.

The survey was conducted on 2,000 people by laundry firm Dr Beckmann.

“Our research shows the veneer of metrosexuality and ‘new man’ is wearing very thin and that men are as annoying as ever,” the Daily Express quoted Susan Fermor, a spokesman for the firm, as saying.

“Women are no angels either. We may be in the 21st century but we still annoy the opposite sex in exactly the same way we have been doing for millennia,” she said.

The top most habit that men find annoying is women saying “I’m fine” when they’re clearly not.

More than 40 per cent of the men pinpointed this trait as the one that most drives them up the wall.

“Women find it difficult to be straight about their feelings, leading to this type of passive aggressive behaviour,” psychologist Corinne Sweet said.

“It’s because they’re worried about what will happen if they actually say what’s wrong or that they’ll be accused of constantly nagging. Women also want their other halves to be mind readers. They think, ‘If he really knew me, he’d know X and Y.’ This leads to hurt and disappointment because you think your spouse doesn’t understand you.”

“Women should learn to be more direct,” she said.

Another reason is that women talk too much.

In the 80’s, the book ‘Man Made Language’ by Dale Spender used scientific research to dispel the myth that women talk more than men.

“It’s just that men think women talk more. That’s because there is a mismatch in what the sexes talk about,” Sweet said.

According to Sweet, men want to talk about particular subjects like football and work while women want to talk about relationships and emotions.

“It’s the minutiae of all that which men find excruciating. They’re not interested. They’re more goal-orientated. I’d suggest women talk to their friends at length and fulfil their needs that way then just give men the briefer version,” she said.

The third most annoying habit of women is that they constantly ask what men are thinking.

“This is partly a low self-esteem issue. As a counselor and therapist I find so many women still measure themselves by what their other half thinks of them and so they try to prise from them their innermost thoughts. It also comes back to the different way men and women communicate.,” Sweet said.

“Men aren’t as emotionally articulate. They may feel they’ve given you plenty of information and you might feel you’ve only scratched the surface. I’d suggest women should stop worrying so much about what men think,” she said.

Another reason is that women win arguments by crying, which according to Sweet, have two sides to this.

“If you’re hurt and need comfort then crying is perfectly legitimate.However some women do cry manipulatively and turn on the water works every time they can’t get their way. To those women I’d say their behaviour is rather childlike and it’s better to find another way of settling the argument.

“A lot of men are emotionally bottled up and feel threatened by shows of emotion. They could probably do with a cry themselves,” she said.

The last among the top five list is that women never say “sorry” even when they are wrong.

“It’s difficult for women to say sorry because women tend to think they’re the centre of the universe and men need to shape up. It’s partly because women are still the centre of the home – they’re the hub – and if they’re a working mum they’re trying to do everything. They tend to feel that as a result they have this divine right to be right,” Sweet said.

As men could get annoyed by women’s habit, women too are offended by men’s behaviour.

The top most habit that women find annoying in men is that they don’t listen properly.

More than a third of women claimed that this was their partner’s worst habit, but it’s not totally their fault.

“It’s partly to do with how the different sexes’ brains work. Women can multi-task whereas men can only do one thing at a time.,” Sweet said.

“Women tell men things but they’re not really listening because they’re preoccupied – they’re either doing something else or thinking about something else and they can’t listen as well. For women it’s infuriating.

“I’d say women should try to get their other halves to put down their newspaper or iPhone and give them their full attention just for 10 minutes. Men have this horror that a conversation is going to go on and on. They like a time limit,” she said.

Second in the list is that men don’t put the toilet seat down. Thirdly, men leave toe-nail clippings and beard shavings where ever they fall.

“This often goes back to what men’s mothers let them get away with when they were younger. What you have to do is not get into the mother role because that’s the kiss of death in a relationship. Talk to them adult to adult and explain why you hate it,” she said.

Another reason is that men have friends that their other half don’t like. Sweet believes that if women don’t like their husband’s or their boyfriend’s friends, then it’s too bad. The one that rounds up the list of annoying habit of men’s is that they hog the TV remote control.

“Men think it’s their prerogative to have the TV remote because they like control but women should have as much control as men.You need equal access. Tell him what he’s doing but don’t be aggressive about it or you’ll end up in a fight,” she added.


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