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HindustanTimes Mon,14 Jul 2014

Why you shouldn’t make a sex tape

Shara Ashraf, Hindustan Times  New Delhi, March 26, 2012
First Published: 19:57 IST(26/3/2012) | Last Updated: 01:44 IST(27/3/2012)

If you have been fancying shooting a steamy tape with your lover, think before you let him hit the record button. It could leave you devastated and heartbroken, just like Tulisa Contostavlos. The 23-year-old singer and X Factor judge, the latest victim of sex tape leak, shared with her fans on YouTube that the betrayal of her trust by her ex Justin Edwards aka MC Ultras — whom she was dating since she was 17 — has left her “in bits”.

“I practically moved in with him, I loved him deeply, had a lot of respect for him, we talked about kids and marriage. I got my record label to give him a singles deal. I never expected a scenario like this,” says the singer in her confession clip.

Trust factor
There are many who pay the price for blindly trusting someone they loved. In Delhi, experts report a growing number of cases of girls going through trauma after shooting intimate scenes with their partners. “It’s an increasingly common practice for men to tape the  intimate scenes. Women give in as they feel that it is a symbol of the intimacy. However, in several cases, men show it off to their friends, upload them on the internet, or even earn quick cash by selling it as pornographic film. Some even use it to take revenge when dumped,” says Dr Pulkit Sharma, clinical psychologist, VIMHAANS.

For such women, this situation is extremely traumatic as they live in constant fear, shame and guilt. “Girls are often forced to continue physical relations with their ex, due to the fear that he would leak their intimate scenes. They are paralysed by the thought of their nude pictures going public,” adds the psychologist. In some cases, the victims also become suicidal.

Exploring the reasons
The reasons that such incidents are growing are because pre-marital sex is a common occurrence now, say doctors. Dr Avdesh Sharma, psychiatrist, says, “There’s hardly any taboo attached with pre-marital sex now. There are several incidences of boys shooting intimate videos when the girl is under the influence of alcohol. A growing number of couples also watch pornographic content together, which makes filming their ownselves less intimidating."

Some girls also give in to the act due to emotional blackmail. Seema Malhotra (name changed),  an ad professional who shot a sex tape with a classmate she was dating during college says, “My ex blackmailed me to shoot the clip, saying if I love him and trust him, I should let him preserve our intimate moments. I regret my decision immensely. The thought that it could get leaked sends a shudder down my spine,” she says.

Once the video is shot, there could be no guarantee if it will remain a secret or not. “It could be leaked by the guy, the mobile or laptop could get stolen, or misplaced, and you never know where the video will reach,” warns Dr Sharma.

If your beau wants to shoot an intimate scene:
* No matter how close you feel to him, ask yourself whether you wish to have your intimate scenes recorded and preserved. Such recordings are prone to be leaked and shared without your consent.
* Give a priority to your comfort and do not shy away from asserting your decision. If the person truly loves you, he will respect your wish and privacy.
* Do not give consent to shoot the video on the condition that the guy will delete it after shooting it. He may delete it in front of you, but it can be easily retrieved from the memory card of his phone.
* Do not give in even if your partner looks at your reluctance as lack of love or mistrust. If you’re not comfortable shooting intimate moments and your partner thinks you don’t love him, so be it.


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