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The ultimate social media guide to New Year’s Eve

HT48HRS_Special Updated: Dec 17, 2015 20:41 IST
Social media
The internet in December is like a scrapbook. It’s loaded with weddings, parties, and, of course, New Year’s Eve

The internet in December is like a scrapbook. It’s loaded with weddings, parties, barbeques even (Mumbai, it’s a thing in places where there is a season called winter) and, of course, New Year’s Eve. And thanks to Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter and that filter-laden addiction called Instagram that gives Sanjiv Mathre the confidence that he is Steve McCurry, we have to bear the brunt of it.

How then do you avoid going overboard to prove yourself to be a ‘kewl party animal’? It’s simple:

* If you can, don’t go to a party. That solves everything.

* If you absolutely must go, don’t have fun.

* If you must have fun, then don’t take pictures.

Now, if the last three sentences confused you and gave you a panic attack, then just breathe into a hypoallergenic paper bag and read on.

To post or not to post?

* Don’t Snapchat everything. It’s a party, not a Parliament session.

* Some pictures are self-explanatory: If you’re eating, instead of adding a caption that just says ‘eating’, tell me what you are eating.

* If you’re doing something illegal, don’t capture it. It’s called evidence.

* Filters are for thoughts, not pictures. But that’s too profound. Move on.

* A hashtags is not like not love. Too many hashtags is a legitimate concern.

* Don’t tag friends who weren’t at the party with the words ‘missed you’. Maybe they didn’t.

* DON’T TYPE EVERYTHING IN UPPER CASE. Your spellings aren’t as great as you think.

* Before you take a picture or a video, ask yourself : ‘Do I really want the world to see this?’ Or better, install Drunk Lock, an app that will only let you post a picture after you solve a mathematical problem. This way you will always post sober.

* Don’t comment ‘Oh my god, I don’t even remember this’. It makes you look more stupid than whatever it is you’re doing in the picture.

* There’s always the option of leaving your sim card at home, clicking the night away, and deciding what to post the next afternoon. Safer for everyone, don’t you think?

Comedian - Neville Shah

Shah is a half-Gujarati, half-Parsi (and often angry about it) stand-up comedian and writer. He tweets as @craziebawa