Direction: David Koepp
Actors: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow
Back in 2004, they collaborated on Secret Window, one of the better screen adaptations of a Stephen King novel.
Unfortunately, both Johnny Depp and writer-director David Koepp have run out of ideas by the time of this wobbly crime caper.
Depp plays an aristocratic art dealer who traverses the globe in order to recover a stolen masterpiece by Francisco Goya.
Loosely adapted from the cult comic novel, Don’t Point That Thing At Me, the shopworn script sees the mustachioed bon vivant enmeshed in a series of espionage situations, neither suspenseful nor funny.
Accompanied by his oversexed sidekick (Paul Bettany, insufferable), the duo have to contend with Russian thugs, a couple of rival art collectors, not to forget a smart-alecky British agent (Ewan McGregor). He also has a crush on the aristocrat’s leggy wife (Gwyneth Paltrow).
All facial tics and mannerisms, Johnny Depp strives in vain to compensate for the pratfalls-heavy plotline. As for his ghastly upper class accent, the less said the better. The film aims for The Pink Panther-like sophistication, but ends up as an ungainly mess.