REVIEW: Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

With so much hair-and-there going on, the film could have very well be titled Jhoom Barber Jhoom, feelsKhalid Mohamed.

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom
Cast: Abhishek Bachchan, Preity Zinta, Lara Dutta, Bobby Deol and Amitabh Bachchan
Direction: Shaad Ali Sahgal
Rating: **

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Tut tut, he craves a doughnut. Garbed in a denim jacket, ganji, an ace of cards dangling from a pocket, flashing rings and a talwar-cut Pradeep Kumarish beard, the doughnut dude is a fashion disaster. Duh K N Y or what?

And often he has your hand standing, as if you’d received an electric shock. Squawk.

In fact, at the end of Jhoom Barabar Jhoom directed by Shaad Ali Sahgal (is he related to the person who did some earlier films but just had two names?), you might desperately need a comb, brush, gel or at least some coconut oil to straighten out your curls, bangs and locks.

It’s one of the most hair-raising movies you’re likely to see from the Mumbai movie saloon during this lifetime. Huff, swear on my dandruff.

Okay, so the Doughnut Dude (Abhishek Bachchan) tosses his black bushy baal around at a railway station in London (where else?), establishes himself as a confidence trickster who could sell the Buckingham Palace to the Queen (yawn,like he did the Taj Mahal in Bunty and Mrs Bunty).

Next: he discovers a Zinta look-a-like at the railway café sharing the company of an orange juice (tinned). She’s Zaara-hatke, she’s from Pakistan yet again! And she has often prayed to Lord Jesus Christ that he should give her a boyfriend who’s gora like he was (!???!).

Seems she doesn’t want a brownie or a blackie. Tacky. Btw, despite such objectionable racial slurs, her hair-do is okay, quite neat..in fact perfect for a Coiffure with Karan.

Although their hair styles are poles-`n’-scissors apart, Doughnut and Zinta yak and yak, while waiting for their fiancées to fetch up from Birmingham. Don’t ask how the screenplay organises this but they also take off for quick pilgrimages to temples and mosques, scenic vistas of Paris, ugly ones of Southall and land up before the Humayun ka Maqbara, all in a wild variety of hair-dos which would have sent any hajaam into a catatonic fit. Eeeps.

Zinta’s fiancé has orange, rock star curly burly hair (Bobby Deol). Doughnut’s fiancée (Lara Dutta) has a wig which swings dangerously in the air. You hope it doesn’t fall off. Anyway all these four fiancé-fiancees don’t have any financial-financialees hassles and go about changing their costumes, locations,hair styles and facial expressions with jaguar speed. And they keep dancing, dancing, dancing and dancing till your feet ache horribly.

Their hair changes colour..and yours turns snow white when good old Mr Amitabh Bachchan pops up to dance, dance, dance, dance and dance like Helen did in Sholay. Dressed in a Persian carpet, funny Jack Sparrowish accessories and a white beard trimmed and smoothened, you wonder how anyone in the world ever convinced him to become an item number. Being his topnotch fan (still), I’m going to lose hair over this.

So, the bald fact is that this mishmash of

Brief Encounter

(also set in the same Waterloo station) and a bit of fact-versus-fantasy business reminiscent of

Gambit

, is a huge disappointment.

Only about 10 minutes of this 14-reeler add up to entertaintment – and that is the splashy, kitschy title dance number rambunctiously choreographed by Vaibhavi Merchant. It’s Kajra re rejigged but at least it’ll be performed at a thousand concert shows in the future. The splasy show number may even give a fresh lease of life to its comperes Asha Sachdev and Sudhir. Honest!

The screenplay strives to approach the Indo-Pak relationship in the UK and does so vacuously. The camerawork is bizarre, even opting for a dizzying round trolley number at the maqbara.. and whenever there isn’t much happening in the frame, the editor turns everything upside down.. so you might have to stand on your head to make sense of some of the shots. Learn yoga before going.

Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy’s music? The title number is snappy but the others go on endlessly till you sprout a beard.

Mr Bachchan surely needs a script consultant to help him choose his subjects which have become much too karelaish of late. Abhishek Bachchan makes too many faces, including pulling out his tongue and goggling his eyes. What happened out there? Was he misdirected or auto-directed?

By comparison, Preity Zinta (who looks cool) and at least has her hair in place, is far more appealing. Bobby Deol, with his straight and unaffected acting, steals quite a few of the scenes. Lara Dutta is pleasant and yes, her wig is truly outstanding.

Really with so much hair-and-there going on, the Chopras and Mr Sahgal could have well titled this no-brainer Jhoom Barber Jhoom.