Cast: Salman Khan, Ali Larter
Direction: Willard Carroll
He speaks in Salgrezi angrezi, Salmanish or Salluskriti. Just can’t figure out the man out as he says, “Hey, lurrvvv yaaa gaaal, you know weeee Indianz just have this thingz aboud.. aboud.. aboud.. MOTH.”
So, Willard Carroll’s Marigold an yawntertainer about insects and moths? On cleaning your ears right there and then, it turns out that Salman Khan, wearing a Fevicol smile, is actually talking about, “MAUT!”<b1>
Honestly, the experience of watching this Indo-American oddity is pretty close to facing death. If you survive to tell the tale, consider yourself a survivor of a tsunami of pure drivel. Just six reasons will suffice to inform you that any B-grade maara maari jaw-banger is way out preferable to this Marigold, not to be confused with either the beautiful flower or the crunchy premium biscuit. It’s awwwwwful.
Anyway, the first reason for avoiding Meri-maarie—moragold is because Ali Larter (looking like young Mira Nair in blonde wig) doesn’t quite know how to act.. or stand straight. How much she fidgets? Neither is she captivatingly attractive. And you really don’t care if she’s stranded in Goa, lands up in Bollywood, falls in love with a male Saroj Khan (Salman Khan) and wants to be his bride.. particularly on discovering that he’s a prince. Boy!
Second reason for avoiding Meerie-maai-maairo? Salman Khan. His pearlies are a Smiley straight out of your cell-phone sms. He looks lovey dovey, is called Prem (STOP him), wears Hawaiian shirts, doesn’t take off any, and turns out that he’s a Jodhpur shehzada (shouldn’t the Jodhpur family sue?) Oooh.
Third reason: Goldflakey characters abound. Nandana Sen smokes a ciggy on a Rajasthan fort terrace, so does an American guy in linen shirts. They smoke till you choke. She loves Prince Saroj Khan. He loves Blonde Bollywood wannabe. But then, the script can always switch dulhans, no? Tobaccowaale Dulhania Le Jayenge sort of thing.<b2>
Fourth reason: Bad direction, bad animation swipes, bad casting of Vikas Bhalla as a superstar.. and Simone Singh as a Miss World, snigger, snigger. Oldtimer Vijayendra Ghatge shows up to ask Salman if he’s “into boys”, scowls and says, “Pass the parathas please.” Gulshan Groverji plays a statue wearing a pugree. Crazeee.
Fifth reason: Bad music by Ehsaan-Shankar-Loy, bad TV studio-like sets, bad. Bad, bad.
Last reason: If this is Salman Khan’s first Hollywood effort, help! He dances at the Taj (monument, not hotel), he dances in a disco, he dances in his dreams, he dances in your nightmare – as if he was auditioning for Nach Baliye.
What on earth was this Maari, Mera, Mora, Marie, Moore, Meerigold all about? As Salman Khan says to Ms Larter, “Yeah, yeahz, yeahz, cooool.. yaaaah are a reeeellly looovly gaaaal!”
I just no understandz, babeez!