Yet another meeting between Worldwide Governments Against BlackBerry and representatives of Research in Motion has ended at an impasse. Meanwhile, the ban on the BlackBerry Messenger has reached its sixth month.
The strange sight of sputtering teens trying to form words and string together sentences, which had doctors worldwide fearing there had been a global bio-attack focused on the young, is still fairly common.
Not that too many adults are complaining — at least some have been caught chortling in glee when they thought they were not being observed – for suddenly the conspiracies that almost-adults cook up against the grown-ups have completely dried up.
With all their energies focused on mastering the complex art of communicating, teens no longer have time to plot devious and annoying acts of rebellion.
Late night pajama parties with illicit movies (when guys learn about the birds and the bees and girls watch sappy romances) have ground to a standstill with the shutting down of that eternal lifeline of instant chat. Relic businesses like Internet cafes and ancient machines like PCs have found a new lease on life, and the Gods of the Internet are pleased.
Not all deities are happy though. Blooming teen romances have been nipped in the bud and that particular bit has Cupid incensed. Forced to actually speak to one another when they go on a date instead of typing away on their BBs, most young couples have found their awesome-other’s company unbearable.
Cupid, that most-adaptive of gods, who’s only grown more powerful as his list of worshippers mushroomed following the era of virtual romances, has launched a vicious attack against the overzealous protectors against terrorists. His army of lawyers is preparing to take on governments around the world and he himself is working his magic in other more insidious ways.
Which is why prominent politicians have suddenly found that their long-suffering wives have had enough and have taken off with all the money in the joint accounts and the family dog. Even loveless terrorists have written open letters to intelligence agencies vouching never to go the BlackBerry way. (One forward-looking organisation has even pledged against using any potential WhiteBerry of the future.)
Meanwhile, the world’s linguists have come out in support of the ban, holding joyous celebrations in synchronised events across the globe.
The more business-minded among them have launched CDs and do-it-at-home Internet programmes targeting young adults forced to rediscover the art of conversation. You can get one for any situation – the ‘Dear John Break-up’ and the ‘Ask Mom for Money’ episodes have been particularly popular.
In other related events, the union of All Must Look Alike has seen a sharp drop in its numbers, as identical phones are no longer the must-have mix of fashion and utility that they had become.
At present, given that the pressures of Cupid are hard to bear except for radical governments, the world is set for a BlackBerry blackout.