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HindustanTimes Wed,22 Oct 2014

Trash emotional baggage to move on
Hindustan Times
New Delhi, September 15, 2012
First Published: 17:45 IST(15/9/2012)
Last Updated: 00:38 IST(16/9/2012)
A couple

Not able to give your 100% to a new relationship as bitter memories of your ex keep reappearing? Clearing your mind of all emotional baggage is important for a new relationship to blossom, say psychologists.

“People enter into a relationship to get something - and that is the biggest challenge,” says Arvinder J Singh, consultant psychotherapist, most of whose patients comprise people, who have emotional issues related to conflict in expectations. When expectations are not met, it leads to problems. Often, constant comparison with the past and its bitter memories spoil the charm of a new relationship. Advertising professional Ritu Raheja, who broke up with her boyfriend of five years and was single for over two years until she recently decided to marry her colleague Amit, says, “Unable to forget my bitter past, I had raised the expectations bar so high for Amit that however much he loved me, I never felt it was enough. It was only after I went for counselling and consciously decided to stop expecting things and comparing him with my ex, that I realised that there was so much more in our relationship than silly expectations.” 

Rohini Singh, a spiritual mentor, says that it’s because we enter a relationship to feel whole, and expect needs to be met. “When our expectations are not met, the blame starts. Therefore, people must clear all emotional garbage when they enter into a new relationship,” she suggests. 

(With inputs from IANS)


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