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Ritika Kapoor talks about her relationship
with a Merchant Navy officer and gives a first
hand account on the ups and downs that come along
with it.
"The best part of my relationship with Anshuman
is that he is away half the year! Before everyone
assumes that we fight like cats and dogs or suffer
from other relationship problems, let me tell
you why I feel this way.
I am an MBBS student and Anshuman is an officer
in the Merchant Navy. We've been together since
school time and shared the initial years of togetherness
to get to know each other. However, the field
I have now chosen demands my undivided attention.
I just don't have time for dates and other romantic
stuff.
When Anshuman first told me about his decision
to join the Merchant Navy, I was devastated. We
had been together since Class 10 and I was used
to having him in my life all the time. The whole
day we were together at school and would find
some excuse or the other to stay back after school
to spend time with each other. So when he said
that he had chosen a profession which required
him to be away for half the year, I just couldn't
come to terms with it.
But as my MBBS progressed, I realised that it
was probably the best decision he could have taken.
Not only do I have time for my studies and other
commitments, but also we both have the necessary
space to grow as individuals. The initial two
years were enough to build a strong base for our
relationship but probably it would have gotten
too stifling had we continued our earlier routine
even now.
The funny part is that when he's away, we speak
on the phone everyday, mail each other etc and
there is never a misunderstanding or argument.
It's only when he gets back do the problems begin.
When he gets back, he expects me to bunk classes
for him which I just positively absolutely cannot
do! For the most part he understands but once
in a while he will have an outburst of emotion.
Usually we sort it out but I know it nags him
for days. It's not that I don't love him or don't
value our time together, but missing even one
class can prove havoc for my career. It will push
me back and then I'll be left behind in class.
Another thing that has suddenly become a bit
of problem is our physical relationship. When
we were kids in school it was just the usual hand-holding
or light kisses but now when he gets back, he
wants more which I'm just not ready for. Going
all the way is out of the question for both of
us, but he feels unwanted that I don't want to
go beyond what we used to do. He says that I am
creating a rift, maybe I am but I just can't suddenly
expect myself to surrender that way. I don't know
if its because he's away most of the time because
this is a problem lots of "regular"
couples face as well. But I do think that maybe
if we were spending more time together, the physical
relationship would progress naturally. This way
it feels just too sudden.
Other than that there aren't too many problems
as such. Once in a while he'll get a bit jealous
of guy friends that I made in his absence but
he trusts me completely. Jealousy is natural.
I feel it too, and jokingly accuse him of having
"girlfriends at every port" (as the
old cliche goes). I guess we are going strong
because we trust each other implicitly and had
that initial period to get to know each other
completely.
By the time wedding bells will be heard, we both
would have grown significantly, be better at time-management
and also be a bit more settled in our respective
careers so these problems should hopefully die
a natural death."
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