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Think of athletes, burgers and the beer

One of the best things about the London Olympics, even at this distance, is its choice of snacks. After all, who couldn't love a Cadbury's Creme Egg: that bolus of starchy white sugar-paste, the snot of the gods, tongued only grudgingly from its ridged brown cocoon.

other Updated: Apr 21, 2012 23:49 IST

One of the best things about the London Olympics, even at this distance, is its choice of snacks. After all, who couldn't love a Cadbury's Creme Egg: that bolus of starchy white sugar-paste, the snot of the gods, tongued only grudgingly from its ridged brown cocoon.

I also love the McDonald's cheeseburger with its sweet plastic crust, prelude to a starburst of liquid meat, the tang of astringent gherkin, gathered within a binding surge of elasticised cheese.

An Olympic snack in each hand, perhaps you might like to wash the whole dribbling mouthful down with some London 2012 Coca-Cola, the run-faster super?treacle. Failing that, how about a swig of Heineken, official Olympic intoxicant, a mid-strength lager taste sensation that can only be compared to drinking elite athlete's urine out of a rinsed baked bean can.

It was while enjoying exactly this kind of Olympic feast earlier this week that I overheard another administrative bigwig reprising Lord Moynihan's recent warning over what seems to be a genuine threat to the success of our home Olympics. "It just takes one Idiot," Moynihan had warned. The man on the radio went further, though, raising the prospect of "Idiots who will spoil it for everyone," and even "a Games that will be remembered for the actions of The Idiots". Yes: The Idiots. Often lumped in with The Mindless Idiots, and linked by association with A Small Minority Of Idiots, a splinter group of active Idiot extremists. Either way, it seems The Idiots are coming. And they're coming to spoil it all.

The Idiots are indeed a menace and my own first reaction on hearing this was to expel in a great angry brown spume of gargling hamburger chunks the remains of my Olympic snack-feast. The Idiots you see.

This is what they do to you. My second thought was: don't give The Idiots ideas. Idiots definitely listen to the radio. I've heard them phoning in.

Finally I got to thinking: who are they, really, The Idiots? And what do they want? Perhaps it is even time to lift the veil, to take The Idiot by the hand and lead him through the streets of London 2012. Perhaps it is time to understand a little more. To harbour, even, some sympathy for The Idiots.