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HindustanTimes Sun,28 Dec 2014

New Year Haryanvi chivalry

Rajbir Deswal, Hindustan Times  Chandigarh, January 03, 2014
First Published: 09:29 IST(3/1/2014) | Last Updated: 09:32 IST(3/1/2014)

Even at the cost of being dubbed as a dyed-in-the-wool rustic Haryanvi, I wouldn't desist, of course in lighter vein, from making bold statements against not-so-charitable a disposition of Haryanvi males towards their female counterparts. Here we go but with a disclaimer - No offence meant to anyone.

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A Jat husband and his equally sturdy wife were sleeping in their house when a thief broke in. The wife nudged the husband into waking up and taking on the thief. The man was already aware of the presence of the thief, since he had heard noise of the utensils being removed, but did not want to invite trouble.

When he didn't budge, the wife asked, "Aren't you a mard (meaning a husband in Haryanvi but otherwise having connotations of he-manhood) who should take on the chor (thief)?" To this, he replied, "In your case, it's OK. But I am no mard of the chor," and lay unmoved.

A happy-go-lucky Haryanvi sired half-a-dozen kids, to be left in the care of his wife, while he himself kept puffing at his hukka all the time and playing cards with his cronies. The poor wife could not single-handedly take care of the children.

The man, returning from one of the card-sessions, asked her, "What are you doing, Bhagwaan!" Referring to the rearing of the kids, the wife disgustingly said, "Tere karmaan nain ron laag rahi hoon - I am paying for your deeds." "Laagi raho, mere hi kaam laag rhi hai - Carry on! You are doing something for me!"- the husband replied.

Once, a Haryanvi's wife went missing. He went to a temple and with folded hands stood before 'Ram and Sita' while 'Hanuman', standing in a sideby niche, gestured to him to come to him, saying - "O molad, jab iski lugaai kho gayi thi to main toh ke lyaya tha!"- Hey greenhorn, don't you know, when his wife had gone missing, I only had found her out.

There lived in a house a man and a woman with their son and his wife. Late in the night, they had their neighbour knock at their door requesting for a cot to be spared. The house owner informed him that they had only two cots. On one slept he and his father, while on the other, his wife and his mother. Finding the 'combination' weird, the neighbour quipped, "Not having an extra cot is okay, but at least learn how to sleep 'properly'!"

To conclude, a woman asks her husband as to why should he not gift a nose-pin to her in the New Year eve mela. "I am dying to have your nose chopped off, and here you talk of a nose-pin!" Happy New Year! Leave all grossness behind.

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