Why don’t you use kerosene instead of petrol in your car? Why not in your bike at least? These are questions no other baba will ever be able to ask with such conviction. But Saint Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan is no ordinary baba, as you may have noticed by now if you have been able to see through all that bling.
And don’t answer those questions. He is not selling kerosene. He is ‘sau-par-sent’, 100%, pure, after all, only selling the ‘MSG’ brand of food products in an advertisement made with all the finesse of Bollywood from the ’80s. Let’s cut to it. Here’s how it goes.
Papa-G is seated at the head of a royal-looking table, complete with a basket of fruits and a girl sporting a tiara; takes a spoonful of food into his mouth, and then proceeds to ask a man on his right about why he does not use kerosene in his car or bike. This man, for some reason, wants to look like a poor man’s Aamir Khan from Dil Chahta Hai, only older. In real life, he happens to be the spokesman of Papa-G’s Sirsa-based Dera Sacha Sauda. Fun fact: He is an eye doctor trained from a top institute, sufficiently skilled in making people see things more clearly. He can also be found on YouTube taking on none less than That Man Who Defends the Nation Every Night at Super Prime Time.
Here, in character, this man tells Papa-G that he won’t destroy his car or bike by using kerosene in place of petrol. “Why are you destroying your family then?” asks the Poppins Pants Preacher. The food you’re eating is ‘jeher’ (poison), laced with pesticides, baba informs him, and proceeds to peddle products that are “organic too”. This is not the Heavily-Haired Hermit’s first foray into showbiz, of course, or even into the retail business. The dera has under its wings some skin gels, soaps and pickle already, but baba believes in growing relentlessly.
He has already graduated from being a bhajan-singing guru to a certified rockstar to a movie phenomenon that can’t tire counting its crores. And, move over Priyanka Chopra, ‘Love Charger’ is the latest Indian export to Hollywood, featured on the marquee ‘The Tonight Show’ hosted by Jimmy Fallon. Do not overthink. It may seem unfortunate that it was played in a segment called ‘Do Not Play’, but there too it remained number one.
People are now being unfair and ascribing motives to his FMCG mega-plans. Some say he wants to make a lot of money. But, you know, money won’t matter to him, especially since his latest movie, MSG-2, has reportedly earned over Rs 500 crore. It’s simple. Papa-G is a peace-loving soul whose bodily manifestation only wants to make a divine intervention and popularise organic food.
Most headline-writers, however, say the MSG product line is competing with Patanjali, the line of products sold by yoga guru Ramdev. But the babas are on the same side. In any case, tell me, honestly, why would anyone, no matter how superhuman, compete with a man who would cut off the heads of lakhs if only the law didn’t hinder his intentions? No noodles can fortify your head so much that it can’t be cut off, I guess. Or maybe we’d have to wait for the next MSG ad to know. Watch this space, as usual, for any updates. Right now, I am just tripping on his new hairstyle!