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Agni Aunt

sex-and-relationships Updated: Mar 02, 2009 16:36 IST
Candice Pinto
Candice Pinto
Hindustan Times
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I’m 23. I met a guy on Orkut. We started dating. My parents didn’t approve of him. We don’t belong to the same caste and he’s not as well-educated as I am. We married in court. His parents were supportive. It was mutually decided that I would stay at my parents’ home for a few months before moving into his house. But there was a slight delay. He was angry and suspected me of having an affair. He abused my parents and me. He now wants a divorce. I still love him. What should I do?

Discuss the situation with him. I’m slightly unclear about a few things. You haven’t told me if your parents have accepted him now and the reason why you are still at your parents’ house.

If your parents haven’t met him still, get them to meet him and his parents. If there’s something bothering you then there’s scope for sorting things out. Don’t run away from the situation. It will only get worse.

Convince him that you want to be with him. It’s difficult but worth a try.

I’m 21 and in love with a boy. But he has moved to London for work. He’s returning in April. What should I do?
I think you should get to know him better. Don’t tell him that you are in love with him or even make him aware of your feelings for him. Be patient. If he gives you a lot of attention and reciprocates your feelings then things could go as you want. But be prepared for the fact that he may not be in love with you. Remember nothing ventured, nothing gained. So give it your best shot.

I’m 18 and in love with a 23-year-old guy. He’s a Muslim and I’m a Hindu. Besides, he’s from Pakistan. We met on Orkut. It’s been more than a year since I’ve known him. Should I go ahead with this relationship? I don’t think my parents will approve of the relationship but we are seriously in love. I broke up with him once. He was hurt. I told him then that we should be just friends because I really believe that we don’t have a future together.

Listen to your conscience. You seem to be quite aware of the pros and cons of this relationship. Love is a great
feeling but I’m sure you’ve made the right choice girl. I agree with you. You are just 18 and long-distance relationships don’t last, except in rare cases.

So you’ve taken the right decision, especially when you know that your parents will disapprove of him. Your guy will be hurt for some time but if you think from a practical point of view, you have a lot more to look
forward to. There’s no point in taking this relationship to another level when you know the outcome. So stick to being just friends with him.

I have a 21-year-old daughter. She’s in love with a guy who smokes and drinks and is not well-educated. His monthly income is about Rs 11,000 while my daughter earns about Rs 30,000. I don’t want her to marry him. I don’t think he cares for her although he says that he loves her. I want my daughter to be happy. How do I tell her that he’s not the right guy for her?

Stop explaining this to her. At 21, she is independent. The more you advise her, the more she’ll rebel. But once you win over her confidence, everything will fall in place. You could sit her down and talk to her calmly. It’s a choice she has made. Perhaps with a little more maturity, she may realise that she’s not made the right choice.