Akshay Kumar was once Bollywood’s most successful Romeo, with reams of newsprint dedicated to chronicling his celebrity romances. He’s reportedly been involved with the country’s most desirable, not to mention inaccessible, women, from Raveena Tandon and Shilpa Shetty to Pooja Batra among others. Now happily married to former actor Twinkle Khanna, Akshay wants to give back and help the average Indian schmuck get out of his own way and hopefully, win over the woman of his desire. You might want to take notes…When Indian men approach a woman, they are on completely different wavelengths. Women think, ‘Will he gaze into my eyes or stare at my chest?’ Men think, ‘Wonder what time the next match starts?’ Women ponder, ‘I hope he has a good enough job to look after all our children.’ Men wonder, ‘I hope she likes cricket, football and has enough money to take a cab home.’ It’s just the way God created us. Blame him for making men so lame, because now we have to spend the rest of our lives apologising.
What Indian women dislike the most is the fact that we don’t cough up diamonds every morning. Actually, I don’t know, let me ask my wife. Apparently it’s when we leave the toilet seat up.
Pick-up lines don’t work. But it’s a man’s favourite time pass before a date. And you might make her laugh, which is the best way to her heart. The cheesiest one I’ve ever heard was ‘I was blinded by your beauty, so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.’ The last one I ever used was, ‘Are you an interior designer, because the room became beautiful as soon as I saw you in it.’
Men don’t discuss break-ups, they mock them. If a girl breaks a man’s heart, his friends will spend the next two weeks mimicking all the annoying things that she did when they were together. Problem solved, heart healed and matter closed. Though, when a man is in love, he’s fragile. We just pray women don’t take advantage of our secret soppiness.
Actors attract the maximum female attention. The kind of infatuation my father-in-law, Rajesh Khanna, created was phenomenal. Women wrote in blood to him, I’ve never witnessed such stardom.
Women love bad boys because they love a charity case. A bad boy just needs a mother’s touch to set him straight and every woman believes she has that gift. On the other hand, some prefer men, who were born good and die good. It’s like eating vegetable soup every day, but at least they’re not worrying about where their men are every night.
When women say they want a man with a ‘sense of humour’, they mean ‘he’d better have lots of money.’ When they say, ‘healthy and fit’, they mean, ‘if he doesn’t have a six-pack, I’m outta here.’ When they say, ‘good head on his shoulders’, they mean ‘a full head of hair.’
On a serious note, women just want to be loved and cared for. If a man can’t do that, then he doesn’t deserve her. We are like dogs, we respect whoever feeds us, and rubs our bellies before we sleep.
‘Five point someone’
1) Listen to her
2) Give her diamonds
4) Gold, lots of gold
5) Did I mention you MUST listen to her?