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Are smartphones ruining your love life?

sex-and-relationships Updated: Apr 16, 2012 15:13 IST
Shalvi Mangaokar
Shalvi Mangaokar
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Relationships are to be treasured. But with our daily lives giving us zero time to spend with our partners, it is difficult to sustain love. Surprisingly, BBM, WhatsApp, in-built chat messengers and even Facebook, which come pre-installed on phones and are supposed to aid communication, are turning out to be the biggest bane when it comes to love. "These mediums are great when it comes to telling your partner sweet nothings. But they are the reason why relationships end," says clinical psychologist Mansi Hasan.


"Every couple has fights. But when you try to resolve these fights over messages, you tend to say a lot of things which you wouldn’t otherwise," says Mansi, adding, "When you two meet, you try to explain that you didn’t mean what you said, but it is too late." Priya Gupta, 30, a media professional, says, "Initially, when my husband and I had horrible working hours, and when we fought, it would happen over phone or chat messages."

Emotional cheating

Because of not getting enough time to spend with each other, couples tend to discuss their lives with one or multiple friends. Rohan Sharma, 25, who works with an IT company, says, "My ex-girlfriend and I were dating for over a year. Work was hectic, and there were several late nights. Slowly I realised that she had stopped discussing her issues with me." Mansi agrees that such behaviour is normal. "Slowly, you talk about your issues with people and not your partner. And when you see the other person giving you the attention you want, you naturally feel happy."


With BBM letting you change your picture and status every now and then, you have tons to comment on and discuss. "BBM has made flirting easier. If your partner is too busy to meet, you go out and meet ‘new friends’. And slowly, this friendship turns into an affair," says Mansi, pointing out that instead of letting your relationship reach this stage, its better to meet and discuss your issues. Priyanka Mehta, 28, recently split up with her husband because he had an extra-marital affair. She says, "After many fights, and me having doubts over why he was always with the phone, I found out about his affair."


Because of their large friends circle and multiple chat groups, youngsters have stopped taking relationships seriously. Amman Sayed, 23, a student says, "Things weren’t working out for me and my girfriend. Honestly, I didn’t want to sit her down and chat about this. So I sent her a message explaining what I wanted to say." Mansi says, "Many find moving on easy because they feel they can

easily find another partner."

Social reality
Mansi once had a married couple talk about how the wife spent too much time on her phone. The husband accused the wife of constantly on her phone chatting and talking to her friends even when she was at home. He added that he felt emotionally neglected. When asked, his wife said that she was simply chatting with her friends and that she expected him to understand that she had a social life.

(Some names have been changed to protect privacy)