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Being friends after marriage

sex-and-relationships Updated: Feb 07, 2010 00:32 IST
Chetna Joshi Bambroo
Chetna Joshi Bambroo
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Couple

What can be termed as a happy scenario for couples who are married? Answer: Married and still best of friends. Having a good friend in your spouse, reads pleasant but how many of us are lucky enough to remain that for long.

HT City spoke with a few Delhiites, some of who, though hesitantly, did confess being in a ‘happy scenario’. While there were others, who thought being friends after marriage is a filmy thing, and if it exists it can’t be for long.

Unfriendly truth
“The age difference between my husband and me is nine years, so in my case I realised that friendship is too broad a word to use in marriage. If one of the partners is a good listener then, for me, it means friendship exists. Looking for a friend in a husband or a wife is like too demanding,” says interior designer, Kavita Sehgal.

Where age may at times limit some to strike a friendly chord with their spouse, there are lucky ones too — for whom friendship (between couple) is a vital ingredient that feeds the bonding.

“Mine is a love marriage and because love happened first, we became good friends later. But after we got married, only because of the fact that we could connect with each other like friends, most of our fights, which had the possibility of ruining our relationship, subsided. I think marriage changes one’s life and has the capability of destroying best of friendships but one has to always do a conscious effort to keep the friendship alive,” says marketing executive, Archana Singh.

Put in efforts
Psychiatrist, Sanjay Chugh, says, “Base of friendship is mutual respect, care and acceptance of the person as he is. We need to look at the following things to make friendship happen in marriage: do not try to change the other person; have reasonable expectations; forgive like you would forgive a friend; do fun things together; talk about your lives.”

“My wife and I are married for two years, and there are countless issues between us that can lead to fights. But everytime we have a tiff, I say the following line, ‘Okay! Let’s communicate like friends and not like husband and wife’, and we always mange to get control over things,” says Ram Bhushan, 29.