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Bonds forged for a lifetime

It's our old school and college buddies who remain our closest pals, writes Parul Khanna.

sex and relationships Updated: Aug 22, 2013 11:11 IST

Purani jeans aur guitar
Mohalle ki co chhat
Aur mere yaar Vo raaton ko jaagna.
..

Haider Ali'S nostalgic song, Purani jeans, not only made him famous, it also took millions of misty-eyed listeners back in time, to their own school and college days. Some of them may have felt a sense of loss because they weren't in touch with old friends, while others may have felt a certain quiet, comfortable joy in the fact that despite the pressures of work and other responsibilities, they were still deeply bonded with their old buddies.

For the latter, the days of childhood and youth are stn always just a phone call away School and college friends are 'for life'. You don't need to call each other regularly, you may forget birthdays and anniversaries, months and sometimes years may pass without hearing each other's voices... But, once you meet, the old magic starts to work again.

You pick up exactly where you left off. Remember the superhit serial Friends? How school buddies Rachel, Monica and Ross accidentally meet after a long time and forge a bond for life?

Quality, Not Time Workplaces have become a home of sorts for most people. They spend a large part of their waking hours there. No wonder then, office colleagues also end up becoming friends. But there's a divide between the time spent and the quality of time spent. Most people stE feel closer to their old friends than they do to office pals.

Abhisek Kumar, lawyer and tax consultant, describes the equation: "I socialise with my office friends for five days. I go out for dinners and even movies with them.

Because of the long hours working together: there's a certain comfort level. It is easier to co-ordinate as we have the same office timings. But on Saturdays, I don't feel like looking at any of their faces."

Office friendships are fine as long as they are limited to the office. Not many last - unless and until a true bond is forged, which will last even if one of the two people concerned leaves the office and takes up another job.

Shared Activities "We like to play football, love to analyse a topic threadbare, watch old flicks..." There are reasons why old friendships outlast other associations formed later in life. School and college days are when you grow, mature and develop. These are the years when you discover your interests, your character and personality And you form alliances with people who are similar or have the same interests.

You grow up together. Haider Ali smoked cigarettes with friends while listening to a Bryan Adams song, others exchanged stories of love and heartache over tequila shots... Ashima Srivastay, consultant clinical psychologist, Max Healthcare, says, "Childhood experiences are important for an individual's development.

This is the time when one's personality develops, as a result of influences of various aspects. And friends are the major factor Adolescents pick up habits and interests from each other" Also, their bonds are based on mutual liking, not because they just happen to spend long hours together at the workplace or because the association might prove beneficial career-wise. Ajay Ahlawat, an electrical engineer with an MNC, says that he loves football but not many people in his office enjoy the game.

"Every weekend, I play football religiously I try and rope in people from the office but they show no interest. My school friends are the ones I go and enjoy the game with, like we used to when we were kids."

The trust factor: You might share your disappointment over the meagre salary raise with your office friends and might even talk about "that nasty sister-inlaw of yours". But when it comes to intimate and personal details of your life which affect you personally or professionally, you probably won't.