Break-up guide: Experts tell us the classy way to conscious uncoupling

  • Abhinav Verma, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
  • Updated: May 13, 2016 19:16 IST
With a little tact and sensitivity, you can avoid your break-up from turning into a soap opera. (Istock)

We all have break-ups and we all dread them. Not only because parting ways is hurtful, but also because we want to avoid that awkward, painful conversation with our partner, informing them that it’s over.

No matter who initiates the break-up, both want to avoid a messy one. But it never happens, since both partners get busy being drama-queens rather than quietly moving on. From posting vague statuses about the ex to ghosting, no one wants their break-up to turn into an OTT reality TV show.

So, with the help of experts, we’ve prepared a guide for you to break up the classy way.

A heads up before you decide to end the relationship is imperative.

1) A warning sign: Imagine it’s your birthday, and your partner decides to break up with you. Now that’s one birthday gift you’d never forget. “Avoid breaking up suddenly; make your partner aware of the issues as they come along during the relationship,” advises relationship expert Nisha Khanna. Think of it as a warning sign — when you decide to break up, your partner should not be shocked. They should be aware, so they see it coming.

The golden rule of ending a relationship is to always do it in person.

2) Always in person: If you consider yourself a classy individual, never end a relationship over a text or a phone call. Always have the decency to end it in person. “Most break-ups turn into a painful, emotionally-draining experience because one feels disrespected and humiliated when the other ends the relationship over a text message or a phone call,” suggests relationship expert Amrapali Patil.

The worst way to break up is to ghost

3) Don’t be a ghost: The worst way to break up with anyone is to ghost. Simply vanishing from your partner’s life without even giving them a subtle hint is an undignified way to break up. If you don’t want your ex to badmouth you at parties and fill social media with rants about what you did (damaging your reputation in your social circles), then avoid ghosting. “Most people ghost because they want to avoid the painful process of breaking up. But ghosting makes it even worse because the other person ends up feeling as if the relationship wasn’t worth it in the first place” says Khanna.

Read: Consoling your heartbroken friend? Here are some dos and don’ts

Give precise reasons as to why you want to end your relationship, but in a polite and a sensitive manner.

4) Clarity please: While breaking up, don’t beat about the bush and give vague reasons for ending the relationship. “Give clear reasons to your partners as to why you want to move on. When you and your partner move on, both of you need to have precise clarity on why the relationship ended” says Dr. Patil. However, at the same time, you don’t have to be rude and send your partner on a guilt trip by playing a recorder of all their wrong doings. Be considerate and polite.

Avoid getting stuck into the cycle of breaking up and getting back together again.

5) The end should mean the end: When you decide to end a relationship, make sure it’s actually the end. While breaking up, most people make the mistake of offering false hope to their partner by using phrases like “It’s not working right now, maybe down the road we could try again”. “Remember you broke up for a reason, so why get back together again only to break up again,” says Khanna. Avoid getting stuck into that cycle, as it’s perfect recipe for your relationship to turn into a soap opera.

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