Can best friends be good life partners?
While it's hard to pinpoint the ingredients of a perfect marriage, one reason for incompatibility can be that a commitment happens too quickly, bringing along faulty expectations, say experts.sex and relationships Updated: Feb 08, 2010 17:53 IST
"Good friends can be excellent life partners, but there are no such rules that come with it. It is a matter of understanding and appreciating each other and then building a relationship. Sometimes a commitment happens quickly, bringing along a lot of faulty expectations," Parikh, who is a consultant psychiatrist at Max Healthcare in New Delhi, said.
Psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh believes that bonding of partners at a physical, emotional and mental level is extremely important.
"There needs to be a healthy sync between two people for the relationship to become strong and satisfying. If they have a conflicting personality coupled with low levels of tolerance to distress, there would be a greater number of disappointments in the relationship."
"On the contrary, if partners are able to blend well and appreciate and endure each other well, there is a bigger chance of a smooth and gratifying relationship," explained Chugh.
Megha Jain (name changed) got married in December to her long-time beau, but after the honeymoon period, the 27-year-old wondered whether she had taken the right decision to marry the person she dated for over nine years.
"I don't know. I am still confused. Is it that men change after marriage or is it the perspective that changes? The person I knew before marriage has completely changed. I don't understand where the problem lies? Am I too demanding or has he become too casual?" grumbles Jain.
"I wish I could turn back time and get rid of this burden. I don't know what I have put myself into," she added.
Explaining this psyche, Chug said: "Very often, we choose to focus only on the brighter side of a relationship and forget to see the complete picture which might not be so pleasant.
"It is only later when one takes a complete view of the situation that one may begin to have doubts and confusions and would want to re-evaluate his/her decision."
Both arranged and love marriages have their pros and cons, but it is how flexible one is in contributing to a relationship that matters. However, getting married to a person whom you know for a longer time has its advantages.
Said Parikh: "There is a basic comfort level in a relationship if you know the person for a long time."
Chug agreed: "An informed decision is always better than an uninformed one. If partners have known each other for a long time and have spent enough time to experience each others' moods, temperament and to understand each others' personalities, it will surely give them an edge over those who are complete strangers to each other."
Kiran Bhan, 55, recently celebrated the silver jubilee of her successful love marriage and shared its recipe.
"There is a lot of give and take in every relationship. In a love marriage, suddenly your priorities shift. All that lovely and flowery life turns upside down when you come face to face with reality. Your expectations from your spouse goes for a toss. You feel that he has changed and vice verse, but that is not the case," explained Bhan.
"In reality, you have to understand your spouse and assure him/her that your love is still the same. Nothing has changed. Adjustment and understanding is the key. There may be small things that will irritate you, but all depends on how dedicated you are towards a relationship to survive," she added.