Cyrus Broacha has an advice: Get on the love treadmill

  • Cyrus Broacha, New Delhi
  • Updated: Dec 21, 2015 18:07 IST
From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them. (HT Photo)

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to something that you can’t find a solution to.

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

I am a 42-year-old happily married man with three kids. Recently, my ex-girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook, which I rejected after informing my open-minded wife. The problem is my testosterone-laden mind is asking me to take the bait. What do I do in such situations? Scorpion

Scorpion, I hope you’ve heard blaming infidelity on testosterones failed 998 of the last 1000 cases worldwide... Only in two cases, both against North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, did the testosterone argument win the day. But that’s because Kim was plaintiff, defendant, as well as judge and jury in those trials. What do you mean by open-minded wife? Secondly, how do you know your ex-girlfriend wants your obviously irresistible charms in her bed? By asking me to validate your request you are shifting the blame from your testosterones to me. Well, my estrogen won’t have it.

Read: Cyrus Broacha advises you to learn to take a hint bro

I love a girl since childhood. It’s been almost four years since we passed out from high school. We have completed our college-level education. I haven’t spoken to her in four years. Actually, we were not friends in school. Somehow, I got her number, but I felt hesitant to message her. I’ve been in love with her. Should I tell her the truth or move on? Ankit

Ankit, here’s an idea. Why don’t you wait for her for the next 60 years. No, make that 80, no 95. No, wait, 37 years after she passes. Stop behaving like a buffoon on a campos pill. Get on the love treadmill, asap. You think she’ll use her mind numbing extra sensory perception to figure out your love for her? Don’t waste time, message her, man. Contact her.

I’m a 30-year-old south Mumbai guy and I always wanted a girl who was as good looking as me. I have finally found one, also from south Mumbai. She loves me a lot. But she’s extremely possessive. I have lot of female friends but she doesn’t like them. She wants me to leave them. I love her and want to marry her. What should I do? Loyal lover.

Congratulations, well done geography is half the battle in love. All that bunkum about like-mindedness, same community and background, opposites attract etc., in my book is far less important than same geography to South Mumbaikars. Imagine you never have to pay the Worli Sea Link toll when you visit her. About the possessiveness, you need to get her to stop it or you’ll be left only with her 10 years from now stuck in the South Mumbai traffic. Fill her with praise and affection, cool down the monster.

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Cyrus Broacha’s tips for the lovelorns: It is a game
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