Cyrus Broacha's Love Tips: Women are not pigeons!

  • HT Correspondent, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Jul 06, 2015 15:57 IST

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

*I was in a relationship with my home tutor. He proposed to me in March. Recently, my parents saw a note which I had written that ­indicated something was ­going on between us. He broke up with me after that. He had always warned me to be careful of such things. A few days back, I met with an accident, and he helped me because my parents were out of town. I spoke to him in the hospital and ­apologised at least 100 times. But he was not willing to forgive me. I sent him a Facebook message and he didn’t reply. Is there a way to find out if he misses me or if he has read my ­Facebook message?SS

SS, there is nothing wrong with two ­consenting adults, with a full set of teeth each, ­having a relationship, physical or otherwise. Let me guess he was the ... err... the chemistry tutor? Clandestine, ­relationships have been around even before the word ‘clandestine’ was discovered. The problem here is that he seems to have panicked more than you. SS, I guarantee, he has read your message. But he owes you a ­closure, and you deserve a proper ­explanation of where you stand. Request a meeting and if it is denied, hire him as a tutor again, and this time you do the tutoring. Teachers shouldn’t just preach and then quit the practice, you know.

*I like a girl that I see during my morning walks. She is 22 and I’m 18. Since I am younger, she doesn’t want to get into a ­relationship. Even if she gets into a relationship with me, I can’t marry her ­because of this age thing. Please help.SJ

SJ, remember what Plato said to his cousin Tribulius, who, too, ­wanted to marry a girl he had seen in a public bath, (Greek society then allowed men and women to bathe together, this practice is back in Greece today, but that’s because of the economic crisis causing water shortage). Plato said, ‘Cuertus Lopp’. This means, ‘She doesn’t use soap’. My point is, women aren’t pigeons. You can’t go to a park, say you like a particular pigeon, and take a girl home. No harm falling in love, but it counts when love flows both ways.

*A guy used to like me for three years. But recently, he didn’t accept my Facebook friend request. It’s possible that he found out that I am from a lower caste. Do you think he doesn’t like me ­because of this??Jane Doe

Jane Doe, you are asking me impossible questions. You might as well ask me to name Justin Bieber’s top 10 hits or all the ­letters in Sanskrit ­language. If he loved you for three years and ­suddenly stopped there, there could be a million explanations. I’ll list about 5,00,000 for you: (a) he found someone else, (b) he’s in a coma, (c) he’s joined a cult, (d) he’s been named by Lalit Modi. The list is huge. However, if he’s scorned your request, and has issues with your caste, then please treat him like the despicable, bigoted narrow-minded medieval person that he is, and ­forget he ever existed.

*I’ve been in a relationship for six years. Recently, I checked my partner’s chats and found out that he was talking to three girls. One of them was his ex. When I asked him, he said he chats just to kill time. He even said sorry. Now, I can’t trust him. What should I do?A0

Well, unfortunately you are not allowed to kick him in his posterior. Although I can’t think of a reason why you should be denied this option. We live in such cruel times! You need to teach him a lesson. Why don’t you try the same dance? Start chatting with some boys. Old or new — it doesn’t matter. If he needs girl ­support from the outside, he cannot deny you the same. Let’s see how he feels when you start getting real popular. Let the game begin!

All Photos: Shutterstock

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