Cyrus Broacha’s relationship advice: With men, material things help

  • Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Nov 01, 2015 17:13 IST
Have a relationship question? Cyrus Broacha has the answer.

Like a girl, but don’t know how to approach her? Or worse. Have you fallen in love with somebody else’s girl? Funny man Cyrus Broacha comes to your rescue and doles out relationship advice in an unconventional way.

I’ve been in love with a girl for a year now. When I proposed to her, she neither accepted my proposal nor rejected it. After chatting for a year, she told me she is 29. I am 23. She soon got married, but we continued chatting on Whatsapp. Then this one day, she invited me home in the absence of her husband. We only chatted and didn’t do anything. At that point, her husband came home. She hasn’t been talking to me since that day. Why do you think so? BG

The answer to the longest question in the world is because her husband ‘came home’. If you study Joseph Joseph Complete Guide to infidelity, he explains twice on page 79 paragraph 2,3,4, that when husbands come home and find strange men doing nothing with their wives, their suspicions get aroused. That is why in all adult pictures the ‘strange’ man visits for a purpose. Plumber, pizza delivery, doctor, etc. BG please don’t waste your time, this girl has moved on and has a lot to lose. Let this one go. She made her decision when she decided to marry. And, never go to her house again. ...err unless you are the plumber.

I have feelings for my best friend. I believed proposing her would ruin our friendship. But then, she accepted another friend’s proposal. She’s had relationship problems earlier and I can’t see her suffering again. All her friends warned her before getting into this relationship. But, when you love someone, you can’t see the flaws in that person. I feel if she breaks up with him, the pain will be too much to bear. Everybody thinks that her boyfriend doesn’t deserve her. How do I convince her? Nice Guy

Mr Nice Guy you call yourself Mr Nice Guy, but you want to steal her away from this other nice guy. This reminds me of Adolf Hitler assuring everybody that Germany would not invade Poland on September 1, 1939 (Hitler kept up that charade till October 5, 1943). So please stop being a hypocrite. If you like her, stop being scared and make your play. Unlike Adolf ‘Your timing is off’. Don’t hide behind what everybody thinks and her future emotional anguish. That’s worse than Chamberlains swallowing Adolf’s lies (I’m told for fun Hitler would convince Chamberlain of ridiculous things like in The Beauty and The Beast, the Beauty dies; and that pigeons are predators; that Tchaikosky was straight). Make your play. Courage man!

I’m 32 and happily married. I’m in love with a married colleague who is 15 years my senior. She says she likes me, but doesn’t love me, and that she would have loved me if I had met her 25 years back. I don’t understand this. Please tell me if she could have accepted my love in the past, then why not now? SK

SK, maybe she thinks you’re the one who is too old! Now listen carefully when I tell you I don’t have a time machine, one that can go into the past or future. If I could I’d do what sensible men my age would do. Go back in time and vote again. Just kidding. Go back and save Marilyn Monroe. Looks like your ‘older’ lady likes the attention from her younger suitor but isn’t taking this seriously. So neither should you. Besides her math is atrocious. You’re 32 and if you subtract 25 you’ll be four. I don’t think that relationship would be appropriate. Why jump into jumbles? Find a no strings attached option.

I had sex with my best friend’s ex-girlfriend a week after he broke up with her. We were both drunk. I am already in a serious relationship. The truth was out the next day. My girlfriend forgave me, but my friend didn’t. I need my friend. How do I get him back? XYZ

Have you tried scratching? Men love that. How about buying him a Play station 4? I can get you a good deal for Rs 40,000. Now XYZ, it’s his ex-girlfriend. It’s like getting upset that someone spat in your old flat which you had sold to someone else long ago. You need to be apologetic, stay on the back foot and be really patient. He’ll come around. With men, material things help. Depending how strong the bond is you could do anything, from buying him a flat to buying him a falafel!

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