Cyrus's love advice: Stop taking Facebook relationships seriously

  • HT Correspondent, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Jun 24, 2015 14:04 IST

A relationship is a laboratory for the soul. It tests you. Again and again. It takes a giant flashlight and forces you to look at the stuff you've hidden away.

So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

So, if you like a girl, but don't know how to approach her? Or worse. Have fallen in love with somebody else's girl? Funny man Cyrus comes is here to rescue you as he doles out relationship advice in an unconventional way.

(Gif and photos: Shutterstock, Giphy)

* For eight months, I’ve been dating a girl I met on ­Facebook. Recently I ­proposed to her, and she ­accepted my proposal. Whenever I ask her to meet, she makes excuses. But, if I schedule the meeting at a private place, she happily comes. Why doesn’t she meet me in public? AK
Brother, what have I told you about Facebook? It’s not a proven scientific source. The other day a person swore he was Abraham Lincoln on Facebook. (Turns out he was, but just not the famous Liberator of America). Facebook, spacebook, I say. Stop taking Facebook relationships seriously. In fact, sound scientific studies say that your friends are the ones who aren’t in touch with you on Facebook. So forget about her excuses and find them in the flesh ... try the real thing.

I am 31. I met a guy in an ­arranged set up two years back. After that, the talks went dead. Last year, he took initiative, and through some common reference we met again. I thought we clicked well, and he said he would talk to his parents who were away to the US at that time. After his parents returned, I asked him to give an answer. But he stopped responding to my messages. Four months down the line, he sent me some general messages and greetings, but that’s it. My instincts say he is destined for me, but it also seems otherwise. Moreover, I am not able to find a better ­replacement.- Neeru

Neeru, a great British poet wrote a poem which explains your guy’s intentions. The poem is called ‘Matlabee’ and has no direct translation in Hindi or any other Indian language. It refers to a cunning manipulative self-serving person. It is the same quality exhibited by the male chimpanzee, who, after mating with the female chimpanzee, refuses to drop her home! He seems only half­interested in you. By the way, I’m talking about your guy, not the male chimpanzee. He ­promises, talks but doesn’t deliver. So my instincts negate your instinct. For marriage, he needs to improve a hell of a lot more.

* I’m a stable 21-year-old girl who doesn’t know how to commit. I love sex, and as long as I’m ­getting that from someone I trust, all’s good. But the sex ends as soon as the guy gets serious or tells me he loves me. What is with this word ‘love’ being thrown around like a Frisbee and hitting an unsuspecting girl in the face? I would really like to be in a proper ­relationship, though. How do I commit to someone?- P
Well P, you have a ­condition which 51% of the world’s population suffers from. Or, in other words, all men! American poet Sylvia Plath would have risen from her grave today and cheered. You like men and you love love-­making, and you lose it if someone falls fully in love with you. That’s fine. What’s improper about your present relationship process is that as long as you are upfront about all this, do you really want this so called ‘proper’ relationship? As for love, you’ll know when it hits you. For now, you have my blessings.

* I’ve started liking a guy I see in the park ­during evening walks. We have never spoken to each other. He stares at me from far, but looks down when we come near. How do I talk to him? - Samy

Unless he has a broken neck, he just appears to be painfully shy. The stare-and-look-away is an old trick used by shy ­people to source out an interesting ­member of the opposite sex. In the botanical world, he would have much greater success as flowers use the same technique to cross-­pollinate. But please, check and confirm that he’s no flower. If he isn’t, then why can’t you make the first move, a smile, or a greeting that will set the ball rolling!

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