Dating advice: Five golden rules of picking up girls

  • Sanya Panwar, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Dec 31, 2014 14:35 IST

Let’s get one thing straight right at the start: Regardless of the title of this article, as a woman in my mid-20s, I do not want to be referred to as a 'girl'. Girls wear training bras, don't pay their own mobile bills and have no problem borrowing from their mum's closet. I am not a girl and I don't want to be treated like one, especially when it comes to the tangled realm of flirting. You can call us girls among yourselves all you want, but please think of us as women.

Now that we’ve taken care of that detail, let’s move on to the fundamentals of picking us up.

Picking up women isn't a gift from god, it requires skill and patience... So if you want to make us feel like the most beautiful girl in the room (and of course, the world), you better take notes and follow these guidelines. Below are five dating rules women want men to know:

1 Do your research
Before you go to a job interview, one would think you would do a bit of research on the position at hand, right? Right. Now, I'm not saying that trying to pick up a woman is like a job interview, but I'm are saying that you can't just dive in head first without doing your research. That is just common sense. Whether your pick up gig is aimed at a casual hook-up or something a bit more serious, it is well worth it to take the time to do your research. If you are in a bar or club and see a woman you are interested in, take some time to study her. Do not gawk or stare like a total creep, but glance over casually and take in what you can: Watch how she interacts with her friends and what kind of vibe she is giving off with her body language. A woman who is laughing insanely with her pals, deep in conversation, is probably not interested in talking with you right now. Wait. On the other hand, a woman, who is scoping the room might be looking for interaction. If she catches your eye... bam!

2 Seriously man, make the first move
In a world of today, where women expect men to be lacking in the 'masculinity' department, making the first move is a huge turn-on. In the last few years there have been many successful books published about declining 'masculinity' in the modern-day man. So, for a change, man up and do whatever you can to prove society and books wrong. Forget all about how feminine traits (read, empathising, asking for directions and admitting you made a mistake) are favoured in schools, colleges, home and workplaces. Many women expect that if they want something done, they have to do it themselves. Sometimes it's a pleasant surprise to have this reversed. So, go right ahead you!

3 Know your audience
That being said, there is a time and a place for everything, including making the first move. Don't ask your best friend and the girl you want to date for a threesome over brunch! All we're saying is: You got to know your audience, dudes. This may be a big fat 'duh' to most of you, but some just don't listen to that 'duh' in their head even if it's batting hard between the ears. If you're meeting a woman during her work hours or a family do, chances are she wouldn't want you to drop some pickup line! Taking the time to figure out where she’s at during a particular time of the day, and with whom, will factor into the way you can approach her, if you should approach her at all — and it may even predict your success rate. Last words: Know where you are and what is appropriate.

4 Please be yourself and talk real
The last thing anyone wants (gay, straight, male, female or dolphin) is someone feeding them bogus lines. We know that Bollywood's taught you how to use "Aati Kya Khandala" to have women fall for you, but what women really want is for you to be real. Be yourself. We know, we know, we sound like your mother, but this advice is golden. If you put on a huge front, she's going to see through it. Bring up topics you are familiar with, see if she’s into it. Ask her questions about herself. Engage. These are basic rules of conversation, but sometimes we forgot about them when 'flirting' gets involved. So you can memorize all the lines you want, learn all the so-called rules and even master all the expert advice out there, but if the shoe doesn't fit, it's going to fly off to find the cool bag it fits with.

5 The 'golden-est' of rules
Above all these rules is the golden rule of fashion that also applies well to trying to pick up a woman. Designer Marc Jacobs once said, "A cool bag on a dumb girl is a dumb bag, and a dumb bag on a cool girl is a cool bag." Break it down and what the genius of fabric is trying to say is that it doesn't depend so much on the outside as it does on what projects from within. In the world of dating, it comes down to smell: Some people just smell right, feel right, even from the get-go. You can learn all the rules of the game, but if you lack confidence in yourself and the woman you’re after doesn't believe in what confidence you do have, it's not going to last past a few rounds. Sorry guys!, a cool bag only gets you so far.

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