Destructive side of 'first love'
First love can be joyful, passionate and intense, but if you're looking for happiness in later life, it's best to avoid it, says a new research.sex and relationships Updated: Jan 20, 2009 19:46 IST
First love can be joyful, passionate and intense, but if you're looking for happiness in later life, it's best to avoid it altogether, says a new research.
In a book called Changing Relationships, a collection of new research papers by Britain's leading sociologists, edited by Dr Malcolm Brynin, principal research officer at the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the University of Essex, the claims have been made.
According to Brynin, the euphoria of puppy love can damage future relationships, reports the Guardian.
"Remarkably, it seems that the secret to long-term happiness in a relationship is to skip a first relationship," said Brynin.
"In an ideal world, you would wake up already in your second relationship," the expert said.
While searching for the ingredients of successful long-term partnerships, Brynin found that intense first loves could set unrealistic benchmarks, against which we judge future relationships.
"If you had a very passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark for a relationship dynamic, then it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment," he said.
Adults in successful long-term partnerships are those who have taken a calm, pragmatic view of what they need from a relationship, Brynin found.
"The problems start if you try not only to get everything you need for an adult relationship, but also strive for the heights of excitement and intensity you had in your first experience of love. The solution is clear: if you can protect yourself from intense passion in your first relationship, you will be happier in your later relationships," he said.