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How best to get over your relationship

While break-ups can be hard on some people, they can be a lesson learnt for others. Here is how to part ways and move on in life.

sex and relationships Updated: May 26, 2012 18:08 IST
Amrutha Penumudi

Every person can instinctively tell when their relationship is going downhill. However, when D-day arrives, nothing can prepare one to face it. Whether the break-up happens over a text message, a prolonged discussion or a ghastly fight, it’s difficult to get over it. So then, what do you do?



While every person has his/her own defence mechanism to fight such conditions, some work and some don’t. Twenty-three-year old media professional Sonia Cheema’s three-year-long relationship came to an abrupt end when her boyfriend cheated on her. "After that bitter situation with someone I had been with for so long, it was difficult for me to trust in relationships again," she says.



RelationshipsThanks to her support system of pets and friends, Cheema learnt to move on. "My dog helped me take my mind off troubling things. My friends also came to my rescue. But the day I realised that my ex wasn’t worth all this mourning, I got back to being myself, " she says.



Things could be as bad for the person on the other side of the fence too. Marketing executive Rahul Kapoor, 26, decided to call it quits with his girlfriend of two years, it was far from easy. "I parted ways because I couldn’t picture ourselves together in the future. But it was very difficult. Post break-up, I’d have frequent emotional breakdowns and I’d constantly blame myself for not giving the relationship a chance. But in retrospect, I feel I made the right decision."



Even though most Bollywood films and their reel life situations may lead one to believe that ‘pyaar sirf ek baar hota hai’ (love happens only once in a lifetime), real-life logic begs to differ. Break-ups don’t mean that you will never find love again, they only mean things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to.



"Relationships happen for a reason. One should learn from them, instead of setting oneself back and dismissing the idea of love" says city-based psychologist Mansi Hasan.



After a bitter break-up, people usually tend to start hating their ex. While this might provide one with some sort of temporary solace initially, it might take a nasty turn later on. "It’s never good to hate anyone because you may end up being trapped in the past and project the same reaction to your future relationships as well," says Hasan, adding, "It takes two to tango. You too could be responsible for the failure of your relationship."

(All names have been changed on request)

Break the news
* Choose the right time and day, but never a significant occasion such as a birthday or Valentine’s Day.
* Meet at a place where you are both comfortable.
* Choose your words wisely and sensitivily. Explain the reasons for parting.
* Don’t blame each other.
* Be prepared for extreme reactions post the revelation, but don’t let the situation get out of control.
* Move on in life
* Do something you like such as learning an instrument or working out at a gym.
* If you miss talking to your ex, talk to your friends instead and confide in them.
* Focus on your career.
* Let go of the guilt and stop obsessing over the relationship.
* Don't stop believing in love.