Is 18 too soon to marry? Funnyman Cyrus Broacha has the perfect answer

  • Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times
  • Updated: Jun 17, 2015 17:04 IST

A relationship is a laboratory for the soul. It tests you. Again and again. It takes a giant flashlight and forces you to look at the stuff you've hidden away.

So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

* I was dating a guy for two years until he suddenly broke up and the reason he gave was that I was talking to too many guys outside my group. My group has four women and three men who are committed. I can’t forget him. We still talk and I can see that he still loves me. Please help me.

May I say something? Something! Okay, sorry. You say he broke up with you because you talk to men outside your group? To this my question to you is, one, two or three? That is, did you give him one slap, 2 slaps or three slaps? How dare he tell you not to chat with men? How will you do simple things, like order Pizza or deal with Vodaphone? Or appear on Arnab’s show? If he’s trying to control you, please forget him, and if you still want to stay with him, ask him not to talk to women outside the group either. Let’s see how he gets his visa to the UK. Or gets his latest male beauty products? Or deal with Vodaphone or appear on Barkha’s show?

*I’m a guy and I was sexually involved with two girls. Recently, I started having sex with a third girl who had a huge crush on me. I just got to know that she has started dating someone. Should I continue having sex with her or stop?

Well, I hope you’ve stopped now, more than 24 hours continuous sex can lead to brain damage and sometimes cough and cold. Secondly, even though you are the only guy I know named Amy, let me congratulate you. According to the Young Man’s Almanac, (written by Swami and Srivastava), you don’t have a problem. You have a solution to the problems of frustration, and what to do with your time in between cricket matches. What are you complaining about you big booby, it doesn’t appear like you are in love. So why rock the boat! Morality is in her court. And let me assure you (man with same name as my auntie Amy), that there will be bleak seasons in the future too.

*I am 18 and my boyfriend is 25. We starting dating two years back. Everything was going fine until my parents got to know about it. His parents, and mine, are not allowing us to get married even though we’re from the same caste and religion. Now, my boyfriend wants to break up because of this. But I won’t be able to. Please help.

Yasmeen, you are only 18. And by the time you read my reply, there is a 79% chance that you wouldn’t have turned 19. Let me tell you what Shah Jahan told his 3rd son Aurangzeb, (pet name Bobby) when Bobby wanted to succeed him as Emperor. “You are too young”. Keep in mind that Aurangzeb was 42 at that time, but everything is relative in life including asthma. If things don’t work out, no problem. Eighteen is too young to get married. Your permanent teeth haven’t formed yet, for God’s sake. I’ve told my own daughter to at least wait till she’s 40. Besides, if he doesn’t have the courage to face all the obstacles, put you first, and go ahead with the event, then you have your answer. So please, let this one go. Or at least wait many, many years till the time you have the finances to back your decision. (This is also what Shah Jahan told Aurangzeb/Bobby to which Bobby snatched his father’s purse and ran to the Deccan).

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