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Is that a yes or a no?

sex-and-relationships Updated: Aug 22, 2013 11:20 IST

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They have a way of needlessly complicating perfectly simple relationships, or at least taking all the unpredictability and fun out of romance.

One-night stands Someone out there invented the Singles’ Bar, where people could meet — but is a dank, smoky bar any way to embark on a romantic affair?

And they do want the whole thing, not just onenight stands. Why is their media so full of advice on how to attract the opposite sex, how to behave on the first date, what to wear, what to say, what to do, what not to do, how much to reveal and so on?

Then they come up with something as crushingly practical and unromantic as the three-minute speed date.

In that short span of time and by exchanging a few words, men and woman are supposed to figure out which person is right for them. That's like a forced version of the ‘Love at First Sight’ phenomenon, and it sure can't be faked!

Body language No wonder then, that some time back, the new fad was the 'How to Flirt' course. What kind of cold fish society needs classes to be taught how to flirt, or how to get the attention of the opposite sex?

People spend hundreds of dollars to learn something as basic as, ‘smile, say hello and take it from there’. But then, smiling at a colleague and asking her or him out for a coffee could be misconstrued as sexual harassment.

So they have to learn to read body language and expressions, when no means yes and vice versa. What happened to good old instinct, chemistry or pheromones — probably buried under layers of deodorant, mouth freshener and perfume.

Then they have research telling them that the key to attraction lies in the sweat glands. Is it any surprise they need a coach and a ‘How to’ manual to approach romance.

After mugging up some drivel from books that list the rules of the game, and how to tell if he is into you, or ‘Nine Steps to Dating Bliss’, the normal American is probably getting laid, but doesn't know if it’s the real thing.

Now comes the ultimate con. That’s making a millionaire off some dude, who has a bunch of suckers paying dollars to attend

Abstinence Class. Do you need a Guru to tell you how to say a polite ‘No’? Heck, they should outsource this class to India.