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It’s knot the end of the world

sex and relationships Updated: Sep 25, 2008 14:22 IST
Deepa Gahlot
Deepa Gahlot
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

You thought the Bridget Jones and Ally McBeal kind of whining about singledom was passé, but every time a book or film about looking for Mr or Ms Right comes up, the debate starts all over again.

Everybody and their cousin comes up with dating or meeting potential ‘candidates’ horror stories, probably not realising that the people they snigger at, must be sniggering right back at them on their blogs.

Broken marriages
And then all around, marriages are breaking up — in just my small circle of acquaintances, about half a dozen in as many months, and I’m still counting.

No one is particularly bothered about what people will say, none has had a nervous breakdown yet, and they seem to go on with their lives with very little visible damage.

Kids now are so used to the phenomenon of other kids’ parents splitting up that there is no great shame, in being with a single parent of either gender.

At least in urban areas, where the traditional male-provider, female-homemaker roles don’t strictly apply, many times people marry for the wrong reasons, and now society offers an escape route by not looking down or condemning broken marriages.

Fulfilling career
The worst reason to marry, of course, is social, parental or peer pressure, and the fear that you may end up alone. There’s no guarantee that even if you marry a dozen times and produce innumerable kids, you won’t end up alone.

And clichéd as this may sound, it is better to be happy single than to be miserable married. Which is not to run down marriage or partnership of any kind, but being single ought not to be demonised the way it is.

And no one should be made to apologise for their lifestyle choice — whatever it may be. If some people want to stay single, it’s up to them.. if others want to stick around in a bad marriage, it’s their business.

Joy of togetherness
The truth also is that this is the best time to be single, when there are so many ways, to not get lonely — a
fulfilling career being just one of them. Singles can set up home as they please, do whatever they want with their leisure time, travel, party network with other singles, or hang out on their own.

They don’t have to worry about accommodating or pleasing someone all the time, about kids’ school admissions and college fees, no cooking, no in-law hassles and nothing to tie them down.It pretty much compensates for the joys of togetherness — that is, when the togetherness is truly joyous and not forced.

Ups and downs
Both sides have their ups and downs, pros and cons, but somehow, singledom always gets a battering, especially when someone writes a book, makes a movie or just complains about hunting for a partner and running into an endless series of dorks.

Such folks then probably end up marrying one of these dorks, because they have made marriage out to be such a desirable goal and have walked into a trap of their own making. Then they complain for the rest of their lives about how they were better off single.

Much more practical to take a piece of paper, write down the good and bad points of whatever state they are in, and then count their blessings.