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Keep it sizzling

sex-and-relationships Updated: Jul 03, 2008 09:39 IST

Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Partner bashing

Bad-mouthing the one you are supposed to love seems to have become a national pastime. You know the saying: Can't live with ‘em, can't shoot ‘em. The reality is that partner bashing reflects poorly on you, because after all, you did choose to be with this person.

Remedy: Rebel against the culture and praise your spouse in public. When someone tries to pull you into the game, go the opposite way You will shock a few people, and if it gets back to your partner, it serves as great foreplay.

Putting up roadblocks

It's hard to believe, but many people fall into the trap of holding their partners back from using their greatest gifts. In the TV sitcom Bewitched, Darrin Stevens would try to keep his witch wife Samantha from using her magical abilities.

All that Sam had to do was wiggle her nose and he could have anything he wanted - and he just wanted to stop her. Sounds crazy, but we do it all the time in relationships.

Remedy: Celebrate and encourage your partner's talents. If you take the time to notice, the strengths of your partner usually have two very strong advantages: they complement your strengths; and they compensate for some of your weaknesses. When you combine your powers, you are stronger than if you are alone.

Arguing to win

This means you see the other person as an opponent. And once you begin to see your partner as an opponent or an enemy, lots of bad things begin to happen. When you try to win every arguement, you may feel triumphant for a while, but that feeling comes at the expense of your relationship.

Remedy: Instead of arguing against each other, team up to solve the problems that come your way When . a couple teams up against a problem, that problem is in big trouble.

Getting complacent

Taking the relationship and the other person for granted is so easy to do. Sometimes we treat our most important love relationship like an item on a to-do list. Do you know anyone who would enjoy being an item on a to-do list?

Remedy: Creativity and passion hold the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. Take things in your hands before life becomes mundane. You don't necessarily need candy and flowers, but the key lies in not taking your partner for granted. When you take a decision, make it a joint decision; when you want to surprise your partner, stop to think what he or she would really like, instead of simply doing what you like. Always try to make the relationship really special - just the way you would woo your lover when you had just started seeing each other.