Making a relationship strong and healthy
Valentine's Day is round the corner and if you think your romantic relationship is on the rocks, don't worry, for an expert has offered tips to keep it alive and happy. Read on to keep the romance alive...sex and relationships Updated: Feb 11, 2011 13:05 IST
"Keeping the love in a relationship is about understanding who the other partner is and working extremely hard to keep the lines of communication open," said Josh Klapow, of the University of Alabama at Birmingham.
Klapow said a relationship is doomed if the communication is not there. "Very often it's the little things, the daily hassles and decisions that couples need to make that lead to bigger problems; learning to make decisions together is critical for the survival of your relationship," he said.
Here are the five things Klapow recommends for making decisions together:
• Set a specific goal
"What do each of you want? Make sure you are very specific. Eating dinner out is not a specific goal. Going to a restaurant where you can get a steak, your partner can get grilled shrimp and you both can relax in a quiet booth is specific. The more specific you are the better."
• Monitor your discussion
"As you are discussing the decision at hand, make sure you are staying on track. Often couples will start discussing a goal and stray to some other topic, which can lead to frustration. So, if you notice yourself or your spouse getting off the subject, come back to the specific goal."
• Arrange the situation for success
"Decision making doesn't work well when someone is tired, hungry, short for time or pre-occupied with other activities. Before you start the discussion, make sure each of you is in the right frame of mind and you have the time. If not, table the discussion as it is likely to go awry or fail."
• Recruit support from one another
"A collective decision means that sometimes there will be compromise. If you are going into the discussion to win, then you are not making a collective decision; you are fighting a battle. Remind each other that you are a team and that you are in it to win collectively, not necessarily individually."
• Treat yourselves
"Celebrate the success of a decision together. A hug, a celebratory reward, anything that acknowledges that together you have accomplished this task will help keep you motivated to make decisions together again."