Move on to beautiful things: You have Cyrus Broacha for support

  • Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times, Mumbai
  • Updated: Oct 01, 2016 18:25 IST

A relationship is a laboratory for the soul. It tests you. Again and again. It takes a giant flashlight and forces you to look at the stuff you've hidden away.

So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

Being forced to marry someone can be irritating, or NOT!

*I have been dating a girl for the past six years. She is average looking, but an awesome talker. My parents want me to marry a beautiful girl from my caste. They are not forcing me to get married but they haven’t accepted my girlfriend. And now that I’ve been seeing beautiful girls, my thoughts are changing. After six years of being in a relationship, things are bound to go downhill even if someone was dating Salma Hayek or Salman Khan for that matter. What do I do?

--Kshitij Singh

What an awesome question, Kshitiji. Well done. Now if it was a little shorter, I would be able to answer it properly. Still I’ll deal with whatever I can remember. Your average looking girl is an awesome talker. Now keep in mind that Vidhu and Virodh, noted parasociologists state that physical attraction is about 70% of the relationships. This is why boys don’t marry boys. If you know what I mean. Also after seeing so called beautiful girls, you want to bite the apple to taste the marmalade. To boil the egg. To scatter the oats.Again, (bigwink), (followed by elbow nudge), if you know what I mean? Clearly from the tone of the letter, you have answered your own query and simply want me to be like a good vest, and offer you support. So, yes you have my support to move on to beautiful things. Go boil your egg. Go sow your oats. Go, take your marmalade.

Arranged marriages can also get you the love of your life!

*I had my first crush when I was 13. Now, I am 19. Recently, my crush contacted me again and said he wanted to know me better. I started feeling for him again. But then, he asked me if he could have sex with me because he was my first crush. I have blocked him since. How do I get rid of my feelings for him?


DG, lets begin with a lesson on sex. Sorry, cancel that, the editor has just informed me that we may or may not be prohibited to discuss this subject due to some confusion over the porn ban. Anyhow, let me say this. When a bumblebee female falls for a bumblebee male, they have a physical relationship, and produce small bumbles. What works for the bees, also works for us. Now don’t get confused and try to persuade a bumblebee in a romantic fashion, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying if you like him, and he likes you, and the time is right then physical relations may follow. So, are you turned off by him because he proposed sex? Or are you upset that it took him this long to fall for you? Figure that out first. Keep it simple. Follow the bumble bee.

just write to uncle cy:

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

Read: Why take a lie? Take Cyrus's advice

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