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Open up your heart

At 18, you have lots of time, indeed years, to find the right person. You are still young and love will surely come your way, says Anupam Kher.

sex and relationships Updated: Feb 16, 2009 19:38 IST
Anupam Kher speaks out...

Anupam Kher's column in

HT City....


I am an 18-year-old college girl. My problem is that I am always thought of as a friend, but never the girlfriend by my male batchmates in college. Even when I have had a crush on a couple of boys, they never seem to want to be more than friends. I am desperate. - Deepa, Mumbai


Firstly, relax and give yourself breathing space. At 18, you have lots of time, indeed years, to find the right person. In the meantime, you have to check your demeanor with the opposite sex. Ask yourself if you are over-friendly and casual in your interactions with boys. Are you unconsciously giving them the signal you are already hooked or at least do not desire anything more than a flat friendship with them? It's great to be one of the boys; but also make sure you don't understate your feminine side. And when you are interested in a boy, do not feign otherwise. You do not need to spell it out in so many words, but your body language and eyes would be tools enough to convey your feelings. Finally, once again, do not get too lathered by this. You are still young, Deepa. Love will surely come your way.

I have started working in an office after I lost my husband recently. Earlier, I was a housewife and could give full attention to my child. Of late, however, my son has become very lonely and misses his father. As I am out most of the time, I keep him with an elderly maid, but he doesn't stay with her and throws tantrums. He is good at studies but lately I have seen him lost in his own world. I need the financial security the job gives me; but I am worried about my son!
- Shruti, Ahmedabad

You have my sympathies, Shruti; it is indeed a difficult situation to be in. Your son is in a difficult transitional phase having recently lost his father, and the assured physical presence of people he loves is a necessity. You could contemplate home-based or part-time jobs to assuage this situation in the short-term at least. Or, easier, change the maid. Try someone else, maybe someone younger whom your son might like more and whom he could see as playmate. Or tap into your parental and in-laws support system and explore whether your son could get day care from any of them. Children enjoy being in the care of their grandparents.