Painful parents: Funnyman Cyrus Broacha feels your pain bro

  • Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
  • Updated: Oct 01, 2016 18:25 IST

A relationship is a laboratory for the soul. It tests you. Again and again. It takes a giant flashlight and forces you to look at the stuff you've hidden away.

So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he's got all the dating advice you'll ever need from your first date to something ...

I’m 25, and my parents have fixed my marriage with their friend’s daughter, who is 18. After getting engaged and having met her many times now, I’ve started liking her. I think she likes me too. Since her parents are strict, she is inexperienced. So, despite being brutally honest, she fails to express her feelings. Like, when we’re physically close, she says that her body feels weird. For her, love is just something that exists in books. She says that what I feel for her is because I have convinced myself to like her, as I had no choice. She says this won’t work out because we are too different. Is she right that I’ve forced myself to believe that I like her? What should I do? -PA

PA, Chengiz Khan’s brother Quasar had the same problem when Chengiz Khan forced him to marry Royal Princess from the Naiman tribe. While Chengiz was fond of this inter-marriage, Quasar was not. He, in fact, was fond of wrestling, so much so, that he taught his new wife how to wrestle and they only called off the marriage when she started beating him in public bouts. If you marry in this situation, it’s a compromise. But most importantly, she doesn’t seem keen, so unless you want to lose wrestling bouts to your spouse in public, I think you know what to do.

I’ve been in a relationship for nine years. We want to get married, but her mother is conservative. She disagrees with all that we say because she feels the society won’t like it. We don’t want to marry without our parents’ consent. How do we change their mindset?-Manas

Manas, I’ve been saying this from 1972. Except that I was born in 1971. Parents need discipline. Please understand that parents are like plants. If you don’t water them, they can get real aggressive. And please don’t take the simple route and just point your parents to the sun. Try and understand that they love you. Coax, cajole, rib, rebuke, but indulge in dialogue. It’s not like I’m asking you to solve the Arab/Israel problem? Of course, all this would have been avoided if you kept up the discipline.

I like a friend. I wanted to know if he has feelings for me and asked him casually what he’d call our relation. I expected him to say friends, but he said that he needed time to think. Should I confess him my feelings or wait for his proposal?-KD

KD, looks like your experiment to find love is successful. Heartfelt congratulations from all of us at Hindustan Times. And bear in mind that I’ve never actually met anyone from Hindustan Times. From what you described, when caught off guard, your friend stumbled and fell. Another explanation is that he’s mentally inept, deficient and couldn’t understand the question. I’d say, make the next move. He’s into you but may need your expert help. Once again, congratulations not just from me but also from my editor. Now let me go and find out who he or she is.

My best friend proposed to me five years back, but I said no because of my illness. I didn’t want to ruin his life. I am not dying, but I’ll be suffering all my life. He dated a girl for a year, and I introduced that girl to his family. She used to insult me and even asked my friend to end his friendship with me. But he broke up with her instead. Two months back, he proposed to me and I said yes. Now, that other girl still calls me and blames me for the breakup. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart. What should I do?-SB

SB, please remember what Emperor Song Li of the Jin Empire said when he threw his accountant down the stairs — ‘Goody goody’. This guy loves you. If he knows about your illness and still wants you, then you’re a lucky girl. Tell him to have the heart to heart with her (the other girl). And stop being a goody goody!

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