Getting married and choosing to become a wife is a deeply personal decision.
But once you’ve tied the knot, there are some questions that always come, and frankly, are just plain annoying.
We’re sure you mean well, but people, do try and avoid these.
1 The No.1 thing people need to stop asking. Just because she is in a loving relationship and made a major commitment in front of all her friends and family, it does not mean she is about to start baby-making. Firstly, she might want to have a bit of fun before settling down in that sense. Also it’s a deeply personal question -- either she, or the husband, could have fertility problems and might not want to talk about it. And finally, a couple might have literally just blown all their money on a big fancy wedding and can’t even fathom the expense of having a child. Don’t add to the pressure.
2 Unless this is from a fellow bride-to-be trying to work out costs of certain things, this makes most people uncomfortable. Even if a woman is happy to talk about who paid for what and how much things cost at a wedding, money is always a touchy subject to ask about -- so be polite and wait for the person to bring it up.
3 Great, thanks -- she really needed that reality check after making this huge decision to get married. Yes, she is aware that there is a thing called a honeymoon period and it will wear off. Don’t rub it in.
4 Always seems to be a bone of contention no matter what she does. If she didn’t take someone’s name, it’s because she didn’t want to, or possibly doesn’t agree with it. And if she did, it doesn’t mean she’s some 1970s housewife. Maybe she prefers her husband’s name over her father’s, or maybe she likes the idea of changing her name to symbolise her marriage. Either way, it’s her decision and none of your business.
5 She doesn’t know because it’s stashed in a suitcase in the store room, and she doesn’t care. Also that comment implies she looks like she’s been binge eating aloo parathas and paneer tikkas since the wedding (Which she might have been, because every honeymoon period involves some good eating). Frankly, asking that is a bit rude.
6 Again, with the money, if you don’t agree with spending so much, that’s to do with you. But don’t judge her for doing things differently -- because she already feels guilty enough about the serious cash she spent on a dress (or four) and wedding decorations.
7 What does that even mean? It’s cool to be called a wife, it feels big and grown-up and significant -- but not when it’s said like you’re some sort of frumpy loser who does whatever her husband wants.
8 Well, she’s sad the fun ended, but she does not miss the stress of guest lists and make-up trials one bit.
9 It might have been, but then, why the stress on one day being the best in your life? There is way too much pressure for weddings to be perfect and it’s a load dung -- stuff did go wrong, she did feel stressed, and while she probably had a great time because all her mates and family were in one place, it wasn’t like she had an out-of-body-bridal-experience.
10 No. Next!
11 Unless you’re a massive over-sharer like this writer (hello! wedding Facebook DPs from ‘the day’), some people don’t want their pics all over place for show.
12 It was a shame you thought it was appropriate to remind her about the fact that her husband’s friend puked in your shoe. She’s apologised for that about 100 times now. Move on.
13 Until you get married, you have no idea how draining compiling a guest list is (it can induce suicidal tendencies) and how you ache with guilt when you can’t invite people to everything because: A) You don’t have unlimited funds and B) You aren’t getting married at Ramlila Maidan.
14 Great, now she feels like you either hated it or thought she looked weird. Unless you add ‘but you looked amazing’ -- which makes up for it. Just a little.
15 Erm, cool. That’s great. But umm, it’s a bit awkward now so...
16 This can suck because of two things: A) She didn’t invite them and she now feels hella awkward, or B) They decided they had something better to do so ditched her wedding, so she’s a bit like ‘well, then you should have come, no?’
The writer tweets as @SanyaHoon