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Split wide open

sex-and-relationships Updated: Aug 22, 2013 11:21 IST

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Divorce can be quite taxing..mentally as well as physically. Children only make the issue more tender. Here’s how you can end it all cordially Decide on the lifestyle you would pursue after divorce. This will depend on your income and expense list

Divorces can never be an easy job. With its emotional hazards and financial traps divorces can get pretty messy. Here’s what you can do to end it all in a friendly way:

It always helps to finish things off amongst yourselves. If you and your spouse can’t agree on certain things, it is the judge who will make that decision for you. Instead of a third person deciding it for you, do it on your own. If it’s too difficult, involve a divorce mediator. He is trained to create a cordial situation.

Take care of your health. All the emotional turmoil can drain you out especially at a time when you need to be rational and open-minded. Eat well and do all that you can to relieve stress.

Try to look for a common goal. It may be regarding your children’s future, or regarding the divorce process or anything else.

Try to follow that goal and it will help you achieve some kind of harmony.

If you have kids, decide on a parenting plan. Decide the smaller nitty-gritties like religion, rules, discipline, philosophy etc.

Decide custody matters and how often the kids can meet either of you. Try to have a mutual understanding about their future education, health and emotional well-being.

Decide on the division of your assets including real estate, retirement accounts, and whatever little thing you both own, jointly and separately. If it becomes too much of an ordeal bring in a mediator.

Sort out all your income and expenses.

<b1>List out your income sources first and then your monthly expenses. Also include the expenses relating to your divorce like moving costs, down payments on a new home, furniture and other home making expenses. Consider your children’s expenses as well.

These would help in mediating the divorce.

Try to clear all your debts before the separation or have a clear understanding about them. List out your credit cards, loans, outstanding bills, mortgages etc and decide on who’s going to pay for the various debts.

It would help if you try to see things from your spouse’s perspective. It never helps if you stick to your own view. Try to be in his or her shoes and think objectively. It will sort out the cobwebs in your mind.

Decide on the lifestyle you would pursue after divorce. This will depend on your income and expense list. It will help you calculate each other’s financial needs in the future.

Go for trained mediation. Professional assistance always helps in pursuing a ‘friendly divorce’. Apart from the mediator, if your attorney is trying to create tension in the proceedings, opt for some other attorney.