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Tell me about it

sex-and-relationships Updated: Feb 02, 2009 19:55 IST
Highlight Story

Anupam Kher is a man who has lived. An award-winning, multi-faceted actor — he has played dramatic, villainous and comic roles with equal elan — Kher now imparts his formidable skills to aspirants through Actor Prepares, his school with branches in India and the UK. As a columnist for HT City, he puts his wisdom at your disposal.

My boyfriend insists that we consummate our relationship. He says this is a test of my love and trust in him — he wants to stay in the relationship only if I give in to him. I love him, but this doesn’t feel right.
—Name withheld, Lucknow
If a step does not agree with your value system and ultimately your heart, then you should not take it, not even at your boyfriend’s insistence.

A man may want to consummate a relationship, driven by the primal urge, but it is a woman’s prerogative to decide her response. Your dilemma also indicates a schism in the way your friend and you look at life. Do you want to journey the long path of life with this friend? That is the bigger question you have to answer.

The recession scare is seriously troubling me. I do have a fairly well-paid job at present, but this constant talk of layoffs is making me anxious. I had an anxiety attack at work when I came in late as my son was ill. How do I get rid of this fear?
—Balwinder, Delhi

Many human fears are irrational and have to be fought by the individual using the powers of logic and faith. Do not let macro-events like the recession affect your psyche, Balwinder.

Remember, your job depends on your own performance. Aren’t people sacked in times of economic boom? Maybe this is an opportunity for you to prove your real worth to your company by working harder. There’s nothing to stop you from even earning a promotion by performing. So, get rid of your imaginary fears and concentrate on the real challenges at your workplace. See the difference then.

My boyfriend of six months and I recently broke up because I caught him dating another girl. Now he is asking for another chance. He swears that he will never repeat that mistake. Should I trust him?
—Aruna, Agra
If your instinct tells you to give your boyfriend a second chance, do so. Frankly, everyone deserves at least a second chance. Curiosity and circumstances can trigger off romantic peccadilloes. But finally, if there is strength in a relationship, it will endure. If your boyfriend has come back to you, which he need not have done, it means there is hope for your relationship. Work on it. But don’t nag him about it. If possible, the two of you can decide on a trust-building period after which you can take the option of becoming serious again.