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The roving eye syndrome

sex-and-relationships Updated: Jun 03, 2008 15:25 IST
Shilpa Madan
Shilpa Madan
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

You wooed each other. You wined and dined. And you got married.

Or your parents rummaged furiously through matrimonial advertisements and found a partner for you.

Whatever went into the formulation of the marital vows, you have been married now for years. So do you feel guilty if you find yourself shooting admiring glances at the opposite gender every now and then?

Can be friends
For Sanchit and Samaira, the issue of a roving eye doesn't crop up at all. "We have been married for 10 years and enjoy a level of mutual trust. Since we are both media professionals, we meet people from all walks of life.

"But Sanchit and I are extremely honest with each other. If we arrive at a party and he thinks a woman there looks stunning, he says so in front of me. I do not find anything objectionable about appreciating beauty. It proves that we are normal human beings," says Samaira.

It is but natural to observe and admire the opposite sex - whether at work, at the gym, in the market or while socialising.

It is also possible for a man and a woman to have an intelligent conversation and share a healthy working relationship without any sexual connotations.

Partner perfect
But it's not always just an innocent friendship. "Individuals tend to get attracted towards each other, especially when one of the spouses is not anchored.

"A strong emphasis on personal vanity, flippant conversations with strangers and acquaintances and a suggestive body language are tell tale signs," Mala says psychologist Kotawani. "A sensitive partner who will address the situation tactfully is just what's needed," she adds.

Move out
Some wives just give up on the roving eye situation. "I know my spouse has a glad eye, but there isn't much I can do about it," says Atika Shah, mother of a seven-year old. "I choose to stay on in the marriage because of my child. A disjointed family will have a negative impact on him."

The solution perhaps lies in being financially independent. Sort out your thoughts. Decide where the relationship is heading and move out if need be.

Because two is company, three is a crowd. Always.