Threesomes, sex games, Barbie doll vaginas: Porn is changing how we do it | sex and relationships | Hindustan Times
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Threesomes, sex games, Barbie doll vaginas: Porn is changing how we do it

Women are telling gynaecs they want vaginas that look ‘like the girl in the video’s’. Men are worried they’re not lasting as long as the dudes on screen.

sex and relationships Updated: Apr 21, 2017 21:16 IST
Madhusree Ghosh
(iStock)

What really is a Barbie doll vagina? Well, it’s apparently when you opt for a ‘combination procedure’ — typically a labiaplasty, vaginal tightening and optional hymenoplasty.

This makes the external lips of the vagina much thinner, the vaginal canal narrower and occasionally reconstructs the hymen surgically too.

The idea is to revert to the vagina of a young girl, turn your private zone into something doll-like in appearance. It’s also called a ‘designer vagina’.

Where did the idea come from? Doctors — both those that think the procedure is absurd and those who actually do the surgeries — say it comes from porn.

And it’s not the only thing. Performance anxiety and sex with multiple partners are among the other key changes that gynaecologists and sexologists are noticing, among men and women. But we’ll get to those in a minute.

CUTTING EDGE

Back to the Barbie doll vajayjay, Mumbai-based gynaecologist Dr Sejal Desai says she has done 279 such combination procedures in 2016 alone, a number that she says has risen from three or four cases when she began doing the combination treatments in 2012.

Her most recent takers for combination procedures have been a 26-year-old jewellery designer and mother from Mumbai and a 39-year-old fitness instructor and mother of two.

The fitness instructor had a labiaplasty and vaginal tightening done and says she is very happy with the results. “Where I once felt no confidence after a natural birth, I now feel totally confident and myself again,” she says.

The designer signed up after one natural birth and one abortion and says she is happy with the results too. “It was well worth the effort, the pain and the Rs 1 lakh bill,” she adds.

Dr Desai says exposure to pornography has given rise to these new expectations of what a vagina should look like.

“Young women come to me saying something must be wrong with their vaginas because they don’t look ‘like they are supposed to’,” she adds. “It’s hard to convince them that whatever they have is normal and they should not compare with whatever is shown in the videos.”

Dr Desai adds that she gets many patients wanting to do breast augmentation surgeries or liposuction because they want a perfect body like the pornstars.

“If the patient is a young girl or has not had children, or if I feel that she is in my office on the insistence of her partner, I try and convince her that there’s nothing wrong,” Dr Desai adds. “But it’s hard to convince many women that what they have is normal.”

A NUMBERS GAME

For men, pornography is blurring the line between reel and real in different ways.

“I get cases of men worried about their size, or complaining of premature ejaculation when in reality nothing is wrong with either their penis or their timing,” says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, head of the department of sexual medicine at Mumbai’s KEM Hospital and GS Medical College. “When I ask whether their partner has complained, they usually refer to a video, saying the men last so long and compared with how long they last and that’s why they think they have a problem.”

Almost 70% to 80% of the cases Dr Bhonsle gets, he says, are unmarried men in their late teens, 20s and early 30s. “They get their standards from porn and that’s when anxiety grows,” he adds.

There isn’t as much hesitation bringing up the subject either, says Dr Bhonsle. “I would say the number of such inquiries is going up because exposure via the internet has made it easier to talk about such things. Young men don’t hesitate to go to a doctor to get a consultation.”

Dr Bhonsle says he usually tackles these concerns by explaining to the men that special lenses are used in pornography, special camera angles — and a lot of cuts and retakes. “I also tell them that these men may have undergone special surgeries that are not advisable, in order to make their bodies look a certain way.”

“When you watch pornography, if you don’t like something, you immediately move to another video. Getting exposed to such variety online means that when you are with an actual partner, you feel like things are moving very slowly,” is how Saket (name changed), a 28-year-old journalist, puts it. “In the videos, there is so much variety. Disappointments follow the moment you realise that’s not what will happen in reality. There is also constant pressure that I have to replicate that level of energy.”

THREE’S A CROWD?

Sex toys are passe. Chances are you’ve used the odd pair of handcuffs or nurse / fireman uniform yourself.

The new frontiers in experimentation are not with activity so much as number of partners.

“I have people telling me how they play things like the ‘key game’, where everyone puts their car or house keys in a bowl at parties; one partner then picks from the bowl and those two couples swap,” says sexologist Mahinder Watsa.

Watsa has been offering advice to young couples for half a century and says the key difference he’s noticed is that today’s young, urban, Indian couples are more willing to talk about their experiments openly.

Newness is what youngsters are looking for, says clinical psychologist and sex therapist Pallavi Burkay.

“They want to experiment, try new stuff. They want to flaunt to their peers about things they’ve tried, and we’re seeing this need to show off in girls and boys alike.”

Burkay says she has also noticed that not using protection has become a sign of commitment.

For Burkay, this is a red flag as far as STDs go. “While experimenting with different partners keeps the excitement going, there is also the question of commitment and marriage,” she says. “I wonder what effect these experiments will have on the institution of marriage over the coming decades.

DID YOU KNOW?
  • In its 2016 report, Pornhub, one of the world’s largest adult videos sites, said India is at 4th place in terms of number of visitors, after the US, UK and Canada — with Indian women on their site outnumbering women from all three countries.