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Time to move on

It hurts to know that the boy next door is "out of your league". Neha Sharma suggests different ways to get over a crush.

sex and relationships Updated: Sep 20, 2008 18:14 IST
Neha Sharma

He could be the boy next door, your classmate, a screen idol, a teacher in school, the pizza delivery boy or the guy in your colony you see walking his dog.

It hurts to know that he is “out of your league — he’s already seeing someone or is simply not interested in you. It takes a moment to develop a crush but double the time to get over it. Experts, however, say that the situation is not difficult and becomes only as tough as one makes it.

Reality check
They say that a ‘reality check’ helps — indulge oneself in pleasurable activities and introspection — may help you overcome strong feelings for someone beyond your reach. Psychiatrist Dr Gorav Gupta has youngsters consulting him constantly. They cannot distinguish between plain attraction and an affair.

At times, they become so anxious to ‘get’ the guy or girl in question that when they don’t they feel defeated and insecure. In such cases, medication becomes necessary. He states, “To prevent extreme reactions, they should draw their boundaries at the right time. Even then, if they find it tough to overcome an infatuation, activities like reading an interesting book, eating their favourite food and similar activities will keep them happy.”

New-found emotion
A crush being a new-found emotion, one does not face the threat of rejection. It starts off on a pleasant note.
Dr Deepak Raheja says, “It is a feel-good factor, especially when there is no communication with the object of emotion because that person cannot tell you that he or she doesn’t like you. However, when reality dawns, you should not blame yourself and let your self-esteem take a beating.”

After the crush, one should not become a loner, because this increases the chances of feeling low and worthless, warns Dr Raheja. “Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself,” he advises.

Goals.. responsibilities
Principals of schools also get queries from students struggling with a crush, which they can’t get over. School authorities claim that they have trained their teachers to be sensitive to these students and their confessions.

The principal of a reputed school feels infatuation often disrupts studies. Students have confessed to an inability to concentrate on their studies because when they are infatuated.

He feels, “Preaching doesn’t work in these situations. We have to understand that these teenagers are passing through a critical period in their lives.” He advises themto think of their goals and responsibilities and analyse the situation.