Weekend fix for the soul: What is love? | sex and relationships | Hindustan Times
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Weekend fix for the soul: What is love?

Love has to be found within us first. Since the world is our mirror-image, our ability to love others pretty much depends on our ability to love ourselves. Love isn't so much the romantic notion of the dreamy feeling you have; it is not so much about sacrificing for the other.

sex and relationships Updated: Feb 07, 2015 13:21 IST
Kamalrukh Khan
Our-experience-of-love-is-a-result-of-how-we-internalise-it-The-most-important-lesson-is-that-there-is-no-wound-in-love-Photo-Shutterstock
Our-experience-of-love-is-a-result-of-how-we-internalise-it-The-most-important-lesson-is-that-there-is-no-wound-in-love-Photo-Shutterstock

Everything in the universe is energy - It begins with our thoughts, amplifying with our emotions, gaining momentum with our actions. Amongst all energies, Love is the purest, most unadulterated energy form and it plays a major role in the existence of our universe. It brings us together, leads to our birth, nurtures us, sustains our existence and is the legacy that eventually remains. It is crucial for our emotional and physical well-being.

As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Where there is love, there is life."

Love has to be found within us first. Since the world is our mirror-image, our ability to love others pretty much depends on our ability to love ourselves. Love isn't so much the romantic notion of the dreamy feeling you have; it is not so much about sacrificing for the other. Love is essentially about the sacred commitment and intent to make your loved ones happy without compromising on your own joy. You are not someone's other half. You are separate and whole and unique. And when two whole, balanced people come together, they complement each other and take their relationship to a new and exciting phase.

Over the years I realised that love is more about companionship and less about labels. The time spent with my loved ones is priceless. Home is not a place- it's a feeling. The universe has given us ample opportunities to practice love - marriage, partnership, parenting, friendships. These opportunities make us feel lucky and grateful, thus having a trickle-down effect - we become kinder in other relationships as well and the cycle continues. Love is an art, and like all art forms it requires effort, persistence and inspiration. People who love, expecting to be loved in return are wasting their time. Love is not an exchange or barter system. There is no reason why one is loved. One simply is.

Our experience of love is a result of how we internalise it. The most important lesson that I have learnt is that there is no wound in love. 'Love hurts' is a myth. Rejection, envy, loneliness, hatred, losing someone, hurts. Love is the balm that cures all these wounds. Love is freedom, but very often love finds itself becoming claustrophobic in customary activities dictated by society, which then become expectations and obligations, attachments or even burdens. The pressures of demands, needs and expectations reduce the freedom and flexibility of love, thus distancing people. There are always core differences in people no matter how close they are. Repeatedly we get caught up with fear, ego, insecurity moving away from our inborn ability to just plain and simply love. The trick is to accept people for who they are and still invite them to grow. Many relationships can be saved if we realise that people are not wrong. They are just different from our expectations.

Nothing is permanent. Change is the only constant. True love is freely created and freely ended. If one knows how to truly love, then one knows how to separate. One is simply grateful in love for all the beauty and the good experiences. So separation comes not in anger, complaints or grudges, but in tremendous gratitude and great love. One is not in despair, but simply understands and feels lucky for having experienced true love in this lifetime.
To all those who have given up on love, I say - trust life a little bit more.

Experience, appreciate, enjoy and let go, to welcome another experience. As the 13th century Persian poet Rumi very wisely said, "Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

Work from inside out.

Note: Kamalrukh Khan is a Mumbai-based Clinical Hypnotherapist and Wellness Coach. She's intuitive, strong and positive and loves travelling. She believes travelling to a new country is the best education she can give her kids. Painting and flying a plane or chopper top her bucket-list.