If you’re a lady who is looking forward to a first date, here is a gentleman’s perspective on what works and what doesn’t. There are definitely a few deal-breakers! So, ladies, pay heed to the following:
1 Distracted company
Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them. If you’re completely distracted during the date – not paying attention to the conversation, constantly looking at your phone, not making eye contact – The subliminal message that is communicated to your date is that there is something more important in your life, and you can be sure that a smart guy will not contact you again.
2 Don’t do the friend parade
You’re really excited about this boy, and naturally, you tell your friends. Of course, they all want to meet him now. But, trust me, ladies, there is nothing that makes a guy more uncomfortable than being paraded in front of your friends. Introduce him naturally, in a casual setting with other people around.
3 Smokin’ hot, maybe not!
Data from the Single In The City Survey conducted by Floh identifies smoking as the # 1 turn-off for men across Indian cities. It’s extremely unpleasant for non-smokers, and the smell of smoke sticking to your clothes and hair is a big turn-off. And, just for the record, women also identified smokers as a big turn-off for them in the survey. Of course, if you both smoke, this is moot.
4 Needy is not sexy
It’s great for a girl to not dedicate all her time to a guy or a relationship. It’s healthy, in fact. A new romantic relationship should not hijack the importance of every other relationship in your life. If it does, don’t expect your guy to be impressed with all the attention for too long. He’s going to realize soon enough that he’s expected to do the same. So if he has a boys’ night planned out with his buddies, please don’t land up there and think he’ll be pleasantly surprised. You’re more likely going to look like the super-needy Natasha in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara! Don’t neglect your hobbies and friends.
5 What’s his bank balance?
Well it shouldn’t matter, unless you want to marry the guy on Day 1. And even then, it’s rude to ask. The answer will never come without an awkward pause and well-deserved sarcasm. A girl curious about how many free drinks, fancy meals, and expensive gifts are stashed away in his bank account is a total turn off.
It’s not surprising that at a deep level, turn-ons and turn-offs for both men and women can be very similar. There are no rules of the game. In fact, dating is not even a game. If one is prepared to be honest and genuine, the rest is common sense and has more to do with how one behaves with people at large, rather than just with the opposite sex. It’s a game only when we try too hard.
Siddharth Mangharam - The writer is an expert on relationships and co-founder of Floh.in, a curated network that connects singles in real life.