What makes 'the perfect man'? 5 qualities that define him

  • Deekshita Baruah, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
  • Updated: Nov 13, 2014 14:25 IST

In a recent interview with a leading French magazine, Hollywood beauty Jennifer Lawrence opened up about her private life and described her ideal man as someone who "allows her to be herself in all situations."

Ring a bell with you? Well, it’s what most women expect from their men.

The perfect gentleman of Bollywood Aamir Khan too, in one of the episodes of Satyamev Jayate 3 asked people their definition of a real man. This created quite a stir and most of the men in the audience vowed to change for the better on self-introspection. Judging by Twitter reactions there is hope in this country, but it’s a tedious and time-consuming process.

For a man, it’s awfully easy to puff up his chest and put on a show, but how do you know if he is for real, a man worth dating?

The answer is: you still don’t know until you jump into the bandwagon. But, there are fool-proof ways when within the first 6 months you can tell whether he is a keeper or a loser!

Spoiler alert! This does not include him travelling to the moon and back. Keep your standards realistic and a check on your checklist, please!

On a serious note, keeping outdated sensibilities, chauvinism and egotistical behavior aside, first let’s focus on the fundamental characteristics that makes a gentleman.

1 He motivates you to be a better version of yourself
Being the fun and fearless woman that you are, be it the workplace or at a local hangout, you like to be in control. You are bold, confident, and not afraid to stand out. You love to speak your mind and you do so. This guy enters your life and before you know it, everything is moving too fast and your world’s just spiraling downwards. It’s okay to revel in the attention when the guy showers it on you, but don’t let him call the shots for you. We say it’s way too fast, woman! You have just known him since the last few months. Take control. This might sound clichéd, but the following words hold a world of wisdom: “A real man would love you for who you are and motivate you to grow, not alter your personality. Be proud of yourself, but not arrogant. There is a thin line!”

2 His life does not revolve around you
Sounds crazy, right? Most girls would die for this, but you need to realise that your man needs to have passions that don’t involve you. If he doesn't then, dump him right now! Why? First, it means he is not normal. Second, he lacks ambition. Think about it, how would it feel to be the centre of attention 24X7. It might come across as nice and welcoming at first, but then, the new found euphoria will wear down soon enough. Every time you make plans that don’t involve him, he will throw a fit. Is that what you want? In worst case scenario, he might just turn into a crazy-jealous stalker; your personal version of Shah Rukh Khan from Darr.

3 He will never project his faults onto you or insult you
Ah! If you always end up playing the blame-game then, it’s about time you give your relationship a thought. Real men don’t assume that problems in a relationship are caused by you. Nor does he try to take you on a guilt-ridden trip. He is a far cry from all these. Instead, he will take an honest look in the mirror before saying things. He knows that self-introspection is as important in a relationship as it is otherwise. If you are slacking, he will talk to you about it like a man and make it work as a team. Also, a real man will stay calm during a confrontation and will never resort to insults, judgement or violence. If your partner explodes every time at the slightest provocation, then he is not worth it.

4 He isn't concerned about societal stereotypes
A real man is not a spineless conformist. He will never ask you to seek his approval for everything you do; instead, he will let you be. He isn't concerned with fitting into societal stereotypes and that’s a good thing. Most, relationships gets screwed because of societal pressure. One classic example is from the movie Queen where Rajkummar Rao yells at Kangana Ranaut for shaking a leg at a wedding. Ingrained with a typical chauvinist mindset, Rajkummar wants his partner to be a recluse, only to venture out when he says so! Well, a real man doesn't suffer from such insecurities; he is comfortable in his own skin and encourages his partner to do the same. Moreover, a real man is confident enough to take action without hesitation/consultation. Although, not while making major life decisions. If your partner is always consumed by what is the most “manly” or the “girly” thing to do, then it might be in your best interest to dump him.

5 He is not afraid to laugh, cry and emote
Alpha males are expected to be aggressive, tough, analytical and emotionally detached. We say it’s okay to be emotionally attached. Imbibing too much ambition, power and domination is not healthy. It will only lead to arrogance at the workplace and sexual abuse at home. For that, we say, the common perception “crying makes you a less of a man” needs to be done away with. A real man is not afraid to show his emotions, not afraid to cry. A real man is real! A true version of himself, a philosopher, a hugger, a do-gooder; not a mere puppet of societal and peer pressure.

also read

Shopping for children: A few dos and don’ts you should keep in mind
Show comments